My brown thumb

I used to kill houseplants at a ridiculous pace.  I would always forget to water them.  My mom couldn't believe that was possible.  Her advice?  "Just water them each week when you clean."  Um, Mom, that might be the problem.  I don't clean every week!

Fast forward several years and I got a PDA.  Dang, that was the best thing ever invented.  Now I had something that flashed at me every 5 days reminding me to check my poor plants.  Wonderful.  I started doing better.  Not good, mind you, but better.  Of course that morphed into an app on my phone, but it still comes up on my to-do list every 5 days and I ended up with a handful of plants that actually looked OK.

Outside is another story.  I've always hated the heat so even if I put something on my to-do list every other day, I'm sure I would find some excuse not to water.  Luckily DH is phenomenal (anal retentive?) about that and keeps our outside plants looking attractive.

Last year I got smart and decided to make a miniature garden/greenhouse.  Those flowers always look fantastic and I NEVER have to water them!  Win-win!

But I was so excited by my garden window when we redid the kitchen.  It was gorgeous and plenty large enough to keep a wide assortment of plants close at hand so I could remember to water them.  I decided to give houseplants another go.  I even foolishly got a seed starter kit for herbs.  After a few weeks this is what I had growing.

Wow.  Talk about dismal.  (Oh and check out the poor daisy behind the herbs ... deader than the proverbial door nail!)

So I did what any self respecting home owner would do.  I went out and bought replacement herbs.  Hey, at least they look healthy now.

 

OK, I might have cheated a bit and bought a few other plants as well. 

 

The garden window looks great and there will be a few spares when they start getting neglected.

Maybe I should stick to miniature flowers.  I can't kill those!

TBT - What Might Have Been

Here is my version of Throw Back Thursday -- blog style!  (Or TBT-BS as I like to call it!)

This post originally appeared January 8, 2013 and it is still true today.

What Might Have Been

Most of the time I do not have an inferiority complex about staying home.  I have a college degree and I always thought I would go back to work in my chosen field after Alan was in school.  That said, both DH and I really wanted one of us to stay home when the boys were young.  As I had worked fewer years than DH and made less money there was never any debate about which of us would stay home.  I have never felt that DH looks down on me for staying home.  On the contrary, he has always been very supportive and occasionally jealous.  Sometimes I get jealous that he "gets" to go to work because the boys can stress me out but other days, I realize I am lucky because I get to work on my hobbies or go out to lunch with friends or whatever.  So overall we have a good balance, I think.

Then something happens ... in this case my Dad invited me to join LinkedIn.  This is a professional network and as I am not working in a profession I resisted for a long time. Then a fellow hobbyist invited me to join her professional network and I accepted.  So naturally I was curious as to what had happened to my fellow classmates.  OK, now I have a bit of an inferiority complex.  Actually it is less that than the jealousy of how my life might have been.  If I hadn't had two special needs kids would I now be manager of this or senior director of that?  Maybe.  But I might also be divorced as the boys' problems have definitely brought DH and I much closer.  We really have to pull together at times in order to survive.

I read this blog recently (Autism Strains Yet Strengthens a Marriage) and totally understood it.  Yet while reading all the comments below the article I was appalled.  People actually made comments that hinted that these people were living in Hollywood.  They never said their marriage was perfect and nor would I say that about mine.  But the title alone says a lot.  Raising special needs children is a strain but if you work together it can also strengthen a marriage.  But (and this is huge) it takes two people who are committed to making it work.  It can be hard work but with a sense of humor and a heck of a lot of stubbornness, it can happen. 

Sometimes DH and I like to joke that we could never get divorced because we would spend way too much money in a custody battle -- only in our case we would be fighting to give custody to the other person!  A lot of marriages do end in divorce especially when there are special needs kids involved.  Sometimes one parent or the other cannot deal with the special needs and that is really unfortunate.  In general I think parenting is easier when you can tag team and that is even more critical when the children are high maintenance.  

So today while I might wonder what it would be like to be a big shot in the working world, I am also thankful that I don't have to be out there trying to do it all alone.

Getting older is a DRAG!

Getting older (I refuse to say "old") is a drag.  Although it is still better than the alternative, middle age is just weird sometimes.

Being the youngest in my family (with a 10 year age span) has allowed me to never feel "old".  After all, if my sisters aren't "old", how can I possibly be old? 

I also refuse to lie about my age.  Growing up my mom used to always say she was 27.  I was gullible and I believed her until her 40th birthday when some friends put a sign in our front yard.  Of course, she was 32 when I was born.  For some reason I have been a horrible judge of a person's age my entire life.

If I were ever to lie about my age, I think I would do it in reverse.  What if I were to tell you that I am 67 years old?  Don't I look dynamite for 67?!?!  What if I were to tell you I am 27 years old?  I don't look so good for 27.  Because I'm 47.  So I'm not going to lie to make myself sound younger! 

However 47 is pretty smack in the middle of middle age.  Here are some of the most annoying aspects of aging for me:

• Hairs grow out of previously hairless follicles.  I plucked a doozy this morning from the top of the side of my nose (like a runaway eyebrow hair) except it was super pale and it was OVER an inch long.  WTF???  How did I miss that bugger for that long?
• Right.  I can't see anymore.  When your hobby involves looking at small details, this is a really annoying part of aging.
• Hot floods.  Nope, I don't get hot flashes, I get hot floods.  I am always about 3 degrees hotter than I used to be -- and DH already said I had a 2 degree temperature tolerance so this pretty much puts me always out of my comfort zone.  Best of all, my oldest sister had this for about 10 years.  I think I'm on year 3.  Great.  Only seven to go.
• Everything creaks.  When I was little my mom noticed that my one knee ALWAYS popped when I squatted down -- like cracking your knuckles.  I haven't noticed my knee in ages because everything makes noises these days.  Trying to work out is a regular little symphony.
• My entire shape has shifted.  OK, I have 20 extra pounds I would like to shed.  But still.  Eleven years ago I needed to lose 40 pounds and I'm pretty sure I didn't sag as bad then as I do now.  Sigh.
• Then of course, actually losing weight or toning up takes more effort for the same (or lesser) results.  And naturally I have less energy to do the training.

Still life is fun.  When I think about the fact that my older brother died when he was 29, I am pretty happy to have made it to the ripe old age of 47.  I love my husband, kids and this crazy, mixed up thing we call life.  So while I might gripe about some of the less enjoyable aspects of middle age, overall I won't complain too much.  Well I might, but most of you probably wouldn't be able to hear me anyway!

Close enough to walk

Where do I start?  It has been forever since I've blogged. 

Mainly I have spent the last month babysitting contractors working in our kitchen.  No, I don't have to sit there and watch them, but being on site helps prevent all sorts of problems and hiccups.  That said, today is supposed to be our final inspection and then the great kitchen project should be complete.  As soon as it gets painted, I plan to devote an entire blog post to the kitchen, but right now it is only functional, not pretty -- and I want pretty pictures. 

I am also having a bit of a "creativity crisis".  I haven't worked on my minis in ages, I haven't done any scrapbooking, I sure haven't done any cooking and I obviously haven't done much in the way of blogging.  I've been reading and playing computer games.  Ugh.

Weekend before last Joe and I went to DC.  Again, I feel like I should do an entire post just to highlight our trip.  It was a lot of fun, and I want to do it justice.  But that isn't what is on my mind this morning either.

Today, I am stressing over people that don't get it.

DH and I were talking this morning about an unexpected offer to watch Alan.  I won't shame this person by identification, but I think it is safe to say that the qualifications are not there.

While it is true that we don't have frequent meltdowns, we do make a lot of daily accommodations -- many unconsciously.  When we were forced to write out specific directions recently for a babysitter, it was amazing the number of things we did differently from each other and yet consistently the same.  Those routines are incredibly important to Alan.  Yes, they have to change sometimes, but we just do it.  So many things that we've learned over the years we do without agonizing over it. 

When someone thinks that we've got it under control or they could do what we do without much training, it is sort of insulting.  Many days feel like we are engaged in guerrilla warfare.  I am emotionally exhausted most nights.

I just wish people would cut me some slack when I don't do what everyone else does.  It isn't just a matter of finding a babysitter -- it is a matter of finding a reliable, adaptable, comfortable, trustworthy, flexible person who has some autism training. 

They sure aren't around every corner!

My new craft room

I always felt like we let Alan take our basement hostage.  We have a HUGE basement and except for two small areas that were closed off and capable of being locked (one used as storage, the other as our work room) we've always let him have the run of the place.  In Our Redneck Home Improvement we blocked his access to all the piping, wiring and ducts.  (Of course he's spent almost no time down there since the ceiling was installed, but that is another story ...)  Stage two of the project was to give me a craft room and give DH back his work space.



This is where I used to work.  OK, it is messy but even when it was organized, it was tight on space especially once Joe joined me in that back room.


 

 

So we took this space, moved the pool table,

and turned it into this ...

Now I have a table to keep my sewing machine out all the time so hopefully I'll actually complete my sewing repairs in a timely fashion while Alan is still wearing the same size clothing.

There is even space for Joe to work on his models.  

And best of all .. DH got his work room back AND now has space to play his games.  Now we just have to get Alan back down there with the rest of the family ...

List of thanksgiving

I am thankful this month, I just decided not to bore my Facebook friends by posting things daily.  Not that I'm bored reading the thankfulness posts that my friends write -- I actually enjoy them.  Who knows why I do what I do, but that is the way of the world.  So in no particular order, here are 25 things I for which I am thankful ...

#3 My miniature Thanksgiving meal

1.  My husband.  OK, I lied about no particular order.  This is always number 1 for me.

2.  The boyz.  They are quirky, weird, stubborn, funny and sweet.  Although I wish they did not have autism, I still am glad I have them.  They have improved me as a person.

#2 My crazy kids

3.  My minis.  Having a hobby really makes life more beautiful.

4.  My kitty.  Diesel frequently makes me laugh and loves to be petted.  He isn't into being held, but that is OK.  He still makes me feel loved.

#6 Me with my sisters

5.  My nieces.  I have four smart, beautiful and just plain nice nieces.  Although I am still glad I had boyz, I do love watching these four grow into wonderful young ladies.

6.  My sisters.  I have two fantastic sisters.  The one in town frequently watches the boyz and the one out of town lends an amazing amount of moral support.

7.  My in-laws.  I have the best in-laws in the world.  Although they do not always agree with our choices, they respect them and again provide an amazing amount of moral support.

My inlaws

8.  My parents.  I do love them even when they drive me crazy.  They have given me a wonderful blueprint for marriage and faith.

9.  My faith.  Although I sometimes question what God has given me, I do know he is there to help.

My parents

10.  Friends.  I have some fantastic girlfriends (and guy friends) from all aspects of my life and they mean more to me than they will ever know.


11.  Our country.  I live in a wonderful country.  Although I hate "politics" I respect and appreciate the military and our freedom.

12.  Did I mention my husband?

13.  Doctors and modern medicine.  Although the cause of autism has not been pinpointed (personally I believe there are multiple causes), I cannot imagine my life without the boys' medications and their doctors. 

14.  Air conditioning.  Even though I am not using it at the moment, I would not survive a summer without air conditioning!

15.  Books.  There is nothing better than escaping into a good book.

16.  Movies.  Except possibly watching a good movie.

17.  My neighbors.  After the hateful letter that grandmother in Canada received, I am once again thankful that no one has ever done anything remotely that mean to me.

18.  My health.  I hear so many people that have physical aches and pains.  While my feet might not be pain free yet, they are on the way and my "problem" could be fixed.

19.  Chocolate.  'Nuff said.

20.  Food.  Maybe this is silly, but I am thankful that food is so plentiful that I have a weight problem.  I much prefer this to the alternative.  I still don't think I can be thankful for exercise but maybe someday ...

21.  I am very thankful my left foot healed a lot faster than my right foot!

22.  Schools.  The boyz have been in every style school imaginable (except homeschool) and without fail we have had some amazing teachers.  Many I am still thrilled to call my friends.

23.  Respite providers.  We try to have at least one date night a month and without some of the amazing ladies I've met, this would not be possible.

24.  Social networks.  I can't believe all the people I have met via Facebook and Google+.  I have also reconnected to a bunch of old friends.  All I have to do is turn on my computer in the morning and I have a bunch of friends to see.

25.  And last but not least, my husband.  He is my best friend and a wonderful dad.

So what are you thankful for this month?

My escape has escaped

I've never been into reality TV, non-fiction books or documentaries.  I always joke that I have enough reality in my life and my reading or movie watching is for "escape".  When someone suggests a true book about autism for me to read, I cringe.  I don't want to spend my precious "fun" time reading about that which I am already living.

I've been a stay at home mom for almost 19 years. I've worked part time here and there and volunteered a lot when the kids were younger but for the most part, I have been unemployed since Joe was born.

I always thought I would go back to work as soon as our youngest was in school full time, but when Alan had been kicked out of Sunday School, gymnastics and Kindermusik by the time he was 6 I just stayed home.

For the most part, I haven't regretted it and neither has DH. We often joke that he is in charge of the income and I am in charge of the outgo and they are both equally important. As long as I keep our spending in line, we are able to put aside a little something and still have me stay home.

The last few years I have even had the time, interest and resources to get back into miniatures which has been a blissful escape for me. When I am having a tough day, I put Alan on the bus and head down to the basement to play with my minis. When the afternoon or evening is tough, I know I can escape as soon as both boyz are out of the house the next day. I work on them rarely on weekends -- mainly because I prefer to spend my evenings and weekends with DH which is its own escape.

But ever since Joe graduated in May, I am having to relearn how to be a SAHM.  For the last 12 years both the boyz have been in school almost full time.  This has given me more than enough time to keep the house marginally clean, run errands, work out, read, have an occasional lunch with a friend, do my Facebook and blogging and most important -- work on my minis.

Starting this summer I began to bring projects upstairs and work on them at the kitchen table while keeping an eye on Alan in the yard.  This has helped some, but some of my projects (despite being "miniature") are not very portable.  In addition, all my supplies are in the workroom in the basement.

Joe decided a few months ago that he was going to get back into working on models.  (I almost said "modeling" and I had this sudden flash of Mr. Camera Shy hamming it up for a photographer!) We've been happy that he was doing something other than watching movies.  Because really, how many times can you watch the entire Harry Potter movie series in chronological order?

He has finished two cars and while they aren't what anyone with a distinguishing eye would say are well done, they are helping him follow written directions, improve his hand to eye skills and work on project completion  -- which are all important things.

So what is the downside?  This has put Joe in close proximity to me for large chunks of my day that used to be my escape.  Now add to that my foot surgeries and you have a Mom that really wants to see her 19 yo gainfully employed!!

Calgon take me away ... oh never mind, I can't get my foot wet yet ...

Ouch

This week was my second foot surgery.  I had my right foot done in August, then Alan broke his arm and we had so many things planned (including a wedding) that my left foot surgery got put off until this week.

Both DH and I thought this surgery would be easier than the first in so many ways.  Most importantly, it is not my driving foot so I will not have to rely on Joe to drive me around for six weeks.  But also, we've been through it and know what worked and what didn't.  We are also hoping pretty hard that Alan will not break any bones this time around!

In the hospital waiting for Alan's arm to be set

Unfortunately, recovery hasn't been as smooth as we hoped.  I got up last night to go to the bathroom, got lightheaded and passed out.  It was a less than graceful swoon and I ended up lying in the bathtub with my legs hanging out and the backs of my knees resting on the track for the shower sliding door.  I have some wicked bruises on my back, my left thigh and the backs of both knees.  Ouch.

The "Guard Kitty" didn't do anything to notify DH either!

DH had been sleeping on the couch in the living room so that he could hopefully hear both Alan and myself.  Unfortunately it took him a few minutes to figure out who was pounding on the wall for attention and he naturally assumed it was Alan and went up to talk to him first.

All my craft projects will have to wait

As Joe would say, "On the bright side, we didn't have to call 911 and I was only lying there for about 10 minutes." 

But the bruises are a big ouch at the moment -- almost worse than the surgery site!

Thank goodness for boyz ... except today!

I love my boyz beyond belief -- their autism, not so much -- but just the fact that they are male is awesome!  Most days.

 Most people have an idea before they have children of what boyz or girls are "like" and I am no exception.  I clearly remembering wanting no more than one boy.  I had one brother growing up and several of my cousins and friends had similar family arrangements and they worked pretty smoothly, I thought.

I knew I did not want multiple boyz.  My husband only has a brother and my brother-in-law has two brothers and no sisters and a family we were close to growing up had three boyz and one girl and the stories and memories terrified me.

DH loves to tell the story of his brother giving pointers to the neighborhood boy on the best way to beat up DH.  Then there are the stories of the summer that DH finally caught up in size to his older brother.  World War III is usually used as the analogy and all I can think of is my poor, sainted mother-in-law -- but that is another whole blog post!  I remember going over to the house with the three boyz while I was growing up and it totally morphed my brother.  He was sweet and funny most of the time but we'd go over to their house and he would get into fart contests with the other boyz and all that gross "boy" stuff.  No way.  I had decided that was NOT for me.

But when we started thinking about a family, all I could think about was having a boy.  I had four nieces and no nephews and my brother had died shortly before my wedding and all I could think about was a baby boy.  I wanted a boy!  Everyone always says "you will love the baby no matter what the gender" but I knew I really wanted that boy.  Boyz (plural) still scared me and if I knew my second child was going to be a boy, I probably would have preferred that my first be a girl, but since nothing in life is certain, I just wanted that boy.

Lo and behold, Joe was born and there was much rejoicing.  Both sets of grandparents and mom and dad were all thrilled.

Joe was absolutely the most beautiful baby EVER (and I had numerous strangers come up to me in public to reinforce that belief) but he wasn't always the easiest baby.  It took me a long time to decide to have a second baby.  DH wanted them closer together, but I was thinking 10 years apart was about right!  The thought of two boyz no longer scared me.  I just wanted a "typical" child.  Ha!  Does karma have a heck of a sense of humor, or what?!?!?   At least Alan was a much easier baby!!

So back to why I am thankful for two boyz ...

1.  Boyz are tough.  I have a dear friend that has a daughter Joe's age.  They both got their braces at similar times.  Sweet girl would be in the nurse's office several times a week for Tylenol.  Joe never asked for pain killers.  In two and half years.  Tough kid.  Alan cut his head open and I found out when I found the bloody washcloth he used to try to clean himself up.  Even tougher kid.  Thank goodness for boyz.

2.  Boyz consider shopping to be a chore which is also how I look at it.  I never have to take them shopping to cheer them up!  Thank goodness for boyz.

3.  Boyz' toys are much better than those specifically "for girls".  I hate the color pink and find changing a Barbie's clothes or matching her accessories to be boring.  But building a railroad track?  That is fun!!  Thank goodness for boyz.

4.  Boyz' books are better.  I'd much rather read Percy Jackson or even How to Train your Dragon than The Twilight books any day!!  Thank goodness for boyz.

5.  Boyz are usually lower upkeep.  They will never want their hair highlighted, a pedicure or the latest handbag.  A suit for prom is a lot easier than finding the "right" dress -- although it might cost as much.  In general their clothes cover more surface area, too!!  Car insurance is more for boyz, but a wedding is a lot more.  Thank goodness for boyz.

6.  Drama is definitely lower with boyz.

In case you missed all the clues, I'll spell it out.  I am not a "girlie" girl.  Despite my obsession with miniatures, I don't care for most things "feminine".  I am an engineer by degree.  I love jeans and t-shirts and my boyz.  So why is today different?

Today is the day I cleaned the bathrooms.  Let's face it -- boyz miss.  A lot.  An awful lot.  Yuck.

Miss me?

Miss me?? 

Alan -- oh so ready for the cast to be off!!

I have been blissfully absent from blogging for most of the last month.

Most of you probably haven't noticed.  Many of you probably don't care.  Some of you will probably tell me how much you've missed hearing about my antics with the boyz.  Yes, they've had them.  No, I haven't written about them.

My miniature greenhouse (made from a birdcage) is almost done!

Mainly I've been taking time for me. 

Julie. 

Not "Mom" and certainly not "Mom of special needs kiddos". 

A little roombox called "Tea for Two"

Just Julie.

I've been working out -- most weeks at least 3 days!  Considering I only had my surgery 10 weeks ago and the boot has only been off for about 6 weeks, I think that is pretty awesome.  Some days my foot still hurts.  I can't do more than a lunge or two before I have tears in my eyes.  I can't genuflect in church without hanging on to the end of the pew and looking like a klutzy idiot (oh, wait, I AM a klutz -- but let's not discuss the idiot part!!)

Since I tend to like working out first thing after Alan gets on the bus and that was when I usually blogged as well, that has probably been the single biggest contributing factor to my decreased blogging.

the tea cart

I've even lost 3-5 pounds (depending on the day) which is only a tiny fraction of what I probably need to lose (20) but at least my weight is headed in the right direction for the first time in a long time.

A little Southwestern themed roombox I made

I have also been working on my miniatures a lot and have actually finished two projects in the last two weeks and almost finished with my third.  Considering only about 3 weeks ago I was close to having a panic attack that I had too much started and would never finish anything, that is pretty impressive.

Climbing again ...

Alan also got his cast off last Thursday.  He (and we) were pretty miserable for the 24 hours following the procedure (he had severe nausea from the anesthesia and then didn't sleep much that night) but my happy child is back.  He has even done some tree climbing since the cast came off although I think in some ways he misses having the indestructible protection on his arm.

Fat cat

As for Joe, he is still volunteering three days a week and spouting his little gems. 


Diesel is still fat and happy.

Life at the Sparks house is back to normal -- whatever that is!!!!

The status quo is nice ...

It's easy to see how the cast has gotten dirty!

Things have been quiet around the Sparks household lately but you won't hear much complaining either!

Unfortunately Alan still has his cast mostly on (I had to cut off the part that covered his palm as it was broken and snagging on things) but we opted to not take it off at the 4-5 week point.  We all knew (including the doctor) that a splint would not stay on.  Now the cast is scheduled to come off at just over 8 weeks from when it went on.  The cast itself is beyond disgusting.  The teenage boy who hasn't had a real bath in over 6 weeks is pretty gross too.  The walls have scratches everywhere from the cast.  I really had not planned on repainting the whole house in spring, but it is looking like there will either be massive touch-ups or new colors in our future.

We do now have good communication with Alan's aide.  Our biggest concern when we started at his new school seemed to be the lack of communication (something at which his teacher of the last two years excelled!!!) but we now have a communication notebook that goes back and forth.  It seems a bit archaic after the e-mails of the last few years, but it is consistent and informative and that is all that is required.

The branches of a Bradford pear are so soft he can rip them off!

Joe is still volunteering at two different places but one of his days at the nursing home was cut.  This is probably because his job coach is having his own hours cut by the government shutdown.  But as DH's job is not in danger from the shutdown, it is hard to complain that Joe's volunteer hours are being cut.

A miniature chandelier I made this month

DH and I have been keeping busy by working out and trying to eat healthier.  We both know we are larger than we are supposed to be and periodically one or the other of us tries to be good but we both know that we have the best results when we are in sync with each other.  We've been using www.myfitnesspal.com and it has actually been sort of fun.  However, I will not be writing about workouts or diets other than in passing because I usually find those rather boring to read.  Of course there are always exceptions but if I am not interested in reading about it, I'm not going to write about it!

I've been reading more (although nothing intellectual -- I read to escape my life!) and trying to snag a little time to work on my minis.  I haven't even been reading all the blogs I used to read although I'm trying to make time for favorites.

DH and I also got to have a movie date night this past weekend and saw Lee Child's The Butler.  I highly recommend it for everyone.  It is truly a powerful story while still being humorous and (it seemed) historically accurate.  Of course halfway through the first scene with Ronald Reagan (played by Alan Rickman) DH leans over and says "It's hard to see Snape as president" and I had to work pretty hard to not giggle through the rest of his scenes.

Alan has conquered a few new trees with his cast, but otherwise it is just the status quo around here ... and that is nice!

Theme Thursday: Link to an old post

I’ve always wanted to participate in one of the clever themed blog hops I have seen but have never felt like I have anything interesting to contribute and I try to avoid writing when I have nothing new or interesting to say.  Of course it is eminently possible that I usually have nothing new or interesting to say, but we will pretend for a moment that’s not the case!


But this week the “theme” for Theme Thursday is to link to an old post.  Now those I have!



I decided to link to one of my favorites Spotlighting Joe's Creativity.  He is an incredibly talented young man.  

And wishing a Happy Independence Day to all the American readers out there. 

Facebook ... a love/hate relationship

After my last post Why I think it is okay to hate autism ... my numbers have jumped.  I wish I had thought to make a note of things like how many followers I had (I think it used to be 12 and now it is 17) or how many likes I have on my Facebook page (I think it used to be about 45 and now it is 73) but for someone who is really doing this blog for fun, I have

never paid super close attention.  Still it was a very gratifying weekend in blogland.

So now that I have all these people that are interested in autism, this blog entry has almost nothing to do with autism.  This is all about my love/hate relationship with Facebook.

I have been on Facebook as myself for about 6 years.  Some of my sons' teachers were actually the first to invite me -- being younger than myself they were aware of Facebook and active on Facebook long before most of my peers.  

But eventually even middle aged dogs learn new tricks and so I have been able to reconnect with so many people from my past -- college, high school, even all the way back to grade school -- and it has been a blast.  I have made friends in my hobby field that I never would have been able to find if it hadn't been for the wonder of Facebook.  I have a huge network of special needs parents that really "get" it when I post some of the antics of my boyz.  I feel like I have a much closer relationship with my nieces than I did pre-Facebook.  And I absolutely love the sharing of humor on Facebook rather than the e-mail forwards of 10 years ago.
 
This is obviously the "Love" portion of the relationship.

So where does the "Hate" portion come in?

1.  Politics.  In my opinion, Facebook should be a "politics free" zone.  I am a rather moderate person when it comes to politics.  I tend to get both sides.  But I have never understood why people have to be so extreme when it comes to their political opinions on FB.  Just because someone voted the other way, does not make them "an idiot" or worse.  Before the last American presidential election, I had about 10 people completely blocked.  Sigh.

2.  The rudeness.  I have a friend who is an atheist that always makes fun of a mutual friend's religious posts.  Can't we just accept our differences?  It isn't like the mutual friend is trying to convert the atheist.  She is just expressing her views in a factual and usually positive way.

3.  The triviality.  Absolutely no one cares that you are doing laundry.  And only a few people care about your hobbies, what you made for dinner, how long you worked out or what level you reached in Candy Crush Saga.  I set up a separate page for my main hobby and of course one for this blog.  If that is something they are interested in, they can like it and find out all they want. 

4.  The stalkers.  I am sort of an open person.  I try to go for at least a couple of posts a week.  There are some people that I have no idea what is going on in their lives and yet they regularly comment on my posts so I know they are on Facebook.  I found out that one friend's child got married when she posted the pictures.  She wasn't so close that I expected an invitation, but this was big news and I wished I had known.  I didn't even know her daughter was dating anyone!  

5.  The people who don't edit.  Last year, I had one person share about two dozen pictures from her daughter's prom - individually.  Yep, each one got loaded one at a time over about an hour.  Keep in mind that there are a lot of prom pictures in April and May.  The girl was on court and cute as a bug, but I really didn't want all those pictures hogging my feed.  Then there are the people who post 200 pictures from a vacation.  Really?  Can't you pick the highlights and put the rest in your family photo album?  And I hate to break it to some of you, but your camera phone has lousy resolution and I can't tell if that is your son or your daughter -- much less where they are and what they are doing!  And I won't even mention the atrocious spelling or grammar.

6.  The ones who don't get it but still have to put in their 2 cents -- every time.  I post about Alan climbing the shelves in the basement and breaking them and how I have to mount all the furniture to the walls and someone posts that her grandson climbs as well.  Yes, and he is a 30 lb. two year old who will most likely outgrow it.  I have a 160 lb. 14 year old who has broken the bottom shelf of every single bookshelf in our basement.  It just isn't the same.

7.  The obscure posters.  "Most of you know I am going through a horrible time now."  (How are we supposed to know this?  Your last four posts have been about your adorable grand-kids.)  "Some people are so mean."  (Well, duh, but if you want sympathy, you need to tell us what happened.)  

8.  Those who don't recognize sarcasm.  No I did not really get questioned by the police about what I was burying in the backyard.  And if I had I would have the sense not to post it on Facebook!

You might be surprised to see that I didn't include the gamers in the hate column.  First off, I used to love all the games and I still play Words with Friends most days.  I try not to post so everyone can see that I had lousy letters and my last word played was "tie" for 5 points but if I goof, I figure that is something easily blocked.  So rather than make ranting posts for people to "stop sending me all these game requests" I just block the person or the game or both and move on.


And now I'm off to check my Facebook pages ...

Summer, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways ...

I know some parents that absolutely love summer.  None of them have special needs kids.  Coincidence?  I think not!
 
My favorite day of the year?  Usually the first day of school in the fall.  I saw this picture on Facebook last fall and fell in love.  Obviously staged, but still hilarious.  This could so be me.  

But as it is May not August, I have to content myself with enumerating the many ways I hate summer ...

1)  The heat.  Let's face it, I am of an age where heat is a problem.  I have hot flashes in December but they are seriously uncomfortable in July. 

2)  The humidity.  I live in a very muggy location.  If you walk outside, you start dripping.  Ugh.  The old adage of "Men sweat, women perspire and dancers glow" is BS.  I sweat and so do most people I know.  It is not a pretty thing.  Nor is it fragrant and I am very olfactory in nature.

3)  The clothes.  Let's just say I have a body best viewed with clothing ON!!!  Shorts, tank tops, etc. are really not that flattering.  I look much better in jeans and a sweater.

4)  The options.  What can you do if you are cold?  Exercise, put on layers, eat (one of my favorite activities) or snuggle under blankets.  Let's face it, sleeping in the winter is so much more fun!  What can you do if you are hot?  Sit in front of fan, drink something cool, or take off clothing (see #3).

5) My hair.  I have thick, curly hair.  I frizzes less if I let it air dry.  In summer that can take a while.  And it gets hot hanging down my neck.  But if I keep it short, I resemble a Poodle.  Sigh.

6)  The hours.  Alan used to always get up with the sun and go to bed when it got dark.  This has gotten better since he has become a teen, but used to always be a big reason I hated summer.

7)  The pool.  We live very close to a neighborhood pool.  It is noisy and frequently makes traffic a nightmare.  It is also a spotlight for how my children are different.  When most people have teenagers, they do not have to take them to the pool anymore.  They also do not have to supervise them because their teenagers do not swim where they are not supposed to swim or try to climb the water slide -- yup, Alan tried to climb UP the water slide last year!  And then of course there is #3.
 
8) The yard work.  To be fair, I do as little as possible in the yard (see #1 and #2) but it keeps DH busy more than the occasional snowfall in the winter and I happen to like to spend time with my hubby in the evenings.  At least Joe is helping out in the yard more.

9)  The absence of vacation.  This might seem like a weird thing, but we took our last family vacation last summer.  Alan tried to climb over the third story balcony on to the one below and tried to swim for the horizon (he's got a real "thing" about task completion) last summer.  This forced us to make the decision that it is just too hard to take him anywhere remote anymore. The problem is that I loved family vacations.  I don't think about it in the winter, but I sure do in the summer.  And it hard.

10)  The schedule.  Autistic people (and especially children) crave routine.  Routine goes out the window in the summer.  And summer school and camps are shorter than school hours.  I also have to provide transportation to camp.  All of which give me less time for my hobbies.  Selfish, but true.

To be fair, there are some perks about summer so I have to give them their due ...

1)  The hubby.  I get to see more of him because he takes days off work to help me out.

2)  The laundry.  There is just less of it in the summer.  The boys can wear two outfits on average every day and it just doesn't take up as much room as their jeans and sweatshirts do in the winter.  The only problem is that laundry is one chore I do not mind.  Figures.

3)  The colors.  I love looking at flowers.

4)  The light.  I actually do suffer from Seasonal Affectedness Disorder a bit.

5)  The food.  I have never been much of a veggie eater, but salad and fresh fruit?  Oh yeah!  And then there is ice cream.  'Nuff said.

Showing Off

This post has nothing to do with autism.  This has to do with my favorite hobby -- miniatures. 

But first a little background.  Joe loves miniature golf.  He says it is his favorite "sport".  As a mom, I would prefer a sport where he got a tad more of a workout, but hey, it isn't like I can control it.

So for his upcoming graduation, I decided to make him a golf-able (is that a word?) miniature, miniature golf course.  I had a lot of fun making it, but of course all my grandiose plans (Harry Potter themed, working parts, excessive landscaping) pretty much went by the wayside when I figured out that I didn't have enough time.

 Still I managed to go from this ...

to this ...

in less than two months!

I did like the way the little stream and the covered bridge turned out.


Anyway, enough bragging for the day.  I just wanted to share with everyone.  If you want to look at more pictures feel free to check out my photo album on Google+.