My boyz are growing up (and up and up and ....)

Both my boyz are going to be tall.  That has never really been in doubt.  With hubby just under 6'1" and myself at 5'8" and both of the boyz over 9 lbs at birth, we just knew they were going to be big. 

Now Joe has hopefully stopped growing at 6'3" (but maybe not since he went through his growth spurt late) and when I took Alan to the doctor earlier this week he is 5'7".  So within the next year I will be the shortest one in the family.  (I have been the lightest weight for over a year, but that is another story!)

And while their physical growth has been fascinating for mom to watch, it is their emotional maturity that is the subject of today's blog post.

The boyz have both AMAZED me just this past week.

First off, there's Joe.  I took him to the psychiatrist yesterday and he told the doctor that although he frequently had trouble understanding what people meant when they said or did certain things, most of the time I could explain their motivations to him.  Now maybe that doesn't sound like much to the outsider, but that is huge around here. 

Joe is one stubborn kid.  He is always convinced he is right even when you clearly prove him wrong.  As the parent from whom he inherited most of his stubbornness, I can vouch for this!  We usually butt heads on almost every topic under the sun.  DH is forever telling me to "stop arguing with him!"  Most of the time the truth is subjective so neither of us is necessarily right or wrong but when the truth is pretty obvious, I admit to digging in my heals.  I am usually better at interpreting behavior from body language or circumstances than Joe but to have him acknowledge that fact unprompted was hugely gratifying.  I think most of us have a hard time expressing when we are wrong or deficient in some way, but it does help us grow.

He also continues to do well in his job and likes it!!  He also started work again at the weekend camp and was remarkably dedicated about getting all his paperwork submitted for re-employment.  Proud momma moment here!  He is trying to save money to buy one of our cars so he has stopped going out to lunch every day he can.  This is also rather mature of him.  I'm thinking we can release guardianship for him very soon which makes me incredibly happy.

And then there is Alan.

"Wow" doesn't begin to cover it.  He has been back in school almost three weeks and he hasn't had one "bad" day at school.  There have been "incidents" that they've reported (he didn't want to participate in PE but eventually complied, he couldn't get a soda when out in the community and was very disappointed but dealt with it, I forgot to pack a snack one day and the only things they had available didn't appeal to him, etc.) but nothing major.  They have even told me repeatedly that he is a "role model" for other students.  DH read the note that came home yesterday and said, "Does he have an identical twin around here that you've been hiding from me?"

And at home, he has been good too.

He doesn't have many chores around the house mainly because it is too hard to teach them to him.  But we've been trying to come up with more.  We have been having him take the kitchen trash out to the garbage after we tie up the bag but we always had to tell him to do this.  Then last week I left a bag out (both boyz were in different areas of the house) and Alan came into the kitchen first and took the bag out to the garbage without being asked.  The other thing we have been having him do is sweep the floor after he is done eating -- especially when he has popcorn and leaves little bits all over the floor -- but it has always been a struggle with lots of vocalizations on his part.  This morning he finished breakfast and went out to get the broom without being asked. 

Who is this kid?  Did I have twins and not realize it?

While this is a lot more of a bragging post than I typically write, I did want to let other parents know that it DOES get better.  Joe grew up a lot during high school but he continues to grow now as a young adult.  Alan is just starting to go through the high school maturity and it gives me so much hope.  I still know that he will never be able to live independently and that saddens me.  But when you spend so much of your life in fear of what will happen when your autistic, minimally verbal, occasionally violent child is bigger and stronger than you, it is very nice to know that he might not have to go into an institution but can at least stay here with us.

My little boyz are growing up.  What will I write about now?  I guess my minis ...

My brown thumb

I used to kill houseplants at a ridiculous pace.  I would always forget to water them.  My mom couldn't believe that was possible.  Her advice?  "Just water them each week when you clean."  Um, Mom, that might be the problem.  I don't clean every week!

Fast forward several years and I got a PDA.  Dang, that was the best thing ever invented.  Now I had something that flashed at me every 5 days reminding me to check my poor plants.  Wonderful.  I started doing better.  Not good, mind you, but better.  Of course that morphed into an app on my phone, but it still comes up on my to-do list every 5 days and I ended up with a handful of plants that actually looked OK.

Outside is another story.  I've always hated the heat so even if I put something on my to-do list every other day, I'm sure I would find some excuse not to water.  Luckily DH is phenomenal (anal retentive?) about that and keeps our outside plants looking attractive.

Last year I got smart and decided to make a miniature garden/greenhouse.  Those flowers always look fantastic and I NEVER have to water them!  Win-win!

But I was so excited by my garden window when we redid the kitchen.  It was gorgeous and plenty large enough to keep a wide assortment of plants close at hand so I could remember to water them.  I decided to give houseplants another go.  I even foolishly got a seed starter kit for herbs.  After a few weeks this is what I had growing.

Wow.  Talk about dismal.  (Oh and check out the poor daisy behind the herbs ... deader than the proverbial door nail!)

So I did what any self respecting home owner would do.  I went out and bought replacement herbs.  Hey, at least they look healthy now.

 

OK, I might have cheated a bit and bought a few other plants as well. 

 

The garden window looks great and there will be a few spares when they start getting neglected.

Maybe I should stick to miniature flowers.  I can't kill those!

The next step

Joe graduated from high school over a year ago.  I never thought it would be this hard to get him a job!  Although I know he interviews poorly (when asked if he would like doing something he usually answers truthfully "well I guess it would be okay if you paid me enough") he is a hard worker and really wants to be useful.

So after our college option disappeared for this fall, my interest in getting him busier peaked.  We reapplied to Vocational Rehab (which we had abandoned last fall because of a personality conflict with his employment specialist) and while we were waiting for the speedy government, his job coach at the coffee shop (Kim) heard about a local hospital who wanted to hire special needs folks.  He had an interview last week with a few folks from the hospital and several people from Kim's company.  He reluctantly let us dress him up in a suit.

Turns out he was the star of the interviews.  One other boy dressed up but Kim said it looked like his polo had been over with her truck and one girl had "hygiene issues".  Well that is one way to get Joe to stand out in a favorable way! He has his second interview with the hospital tomorrow.

Practicing dish washing ("Mom, not THAT kind of dish washing!")

Then yesterday Kim told me about a dishwasher position at a local restaurant.  This morning Joe told me that this week was very stressful and he was looking forward to no more interviews for awhile!

But he did go over to the restaurant with Kim today.  Although this isn't even Kim's job, she is trying so hard to get Joe a real job and I am truly touched.  Joe came home positively bubbly (for him) and told me that the restaurant wanted to hire him.  "And they even are going to pay me!"

He is still going to the hospital interview tomorrow but he told me he was pretty sure he wanted the dishwasher job.  Of course, I am torn.  Part of me says "go for the hospital" there is more long term benefits to working there.  The other part of me says "go for the restaurant" and work there until next fall and then reapply to college.  The hospital would probably pay more but it is also a 25 minute drive from home on a busy interstate.  Pros and cons to both.

But whatever route he chooses, my 6' 2" little boy will be working somewhere very soon -- and they are even going to pay him!

Squirrel!!

Poor Joe had his wisdom teeth removed last Friday.  He handled it like a trooper.  He came out of the anesthesia very quickly and was alert enough to want to go swimming that afternoon.  He took a grand total of 2 pain pills (although a fair amount of ibuprofen!)  Most kids would have milked it for all it was worth, but Joe voluntarily resumed most of his chores the evening of his surgery.

The biggest hardship for him has been the "no crunchy foods" rule.  This kid loves his pretzels and popcorn!

I thought the promise of all the pudding and ice cream he could eat on the first day would be appealing to him, but he sadly informed me that what he really wanted was a hamburger.

Pudding is a huge favorite in our house, though!  Because of poor lactose intolerant Alan, I had to take to storing it in the basement and only bringing up 4 little cups at a time or else he would eat it until he had lower end problems.

Joe was helpful enough to go downstairs and bring up a couple of packages and put them in the pantry.

On Saturday, he went into the pantry to have some and snapped the two attached cups apart and Alan leaped off the couch.  It was obvious he recognized the sound and like any well trained animal he went immediately "on point".

DH said it reminded him of Dug from the movie Up.  "Squirrel!!!"  Yep.