My brown thumb

I used to kill houseplants at a ridiculous pace.  I would always forget to water them.  My mom couldn't believe that was possible.  Her advice?  "Just water them each week when you clean."  Um, Mom, that might be the problem.  I don't clean every week!

Fast forward several years and I got a PDA.  Dang, that was the best thing ever invented.  Now I had something that flashed at me every 5 days reminding me to check my poor plants.  Wonderful.  I started doing better.  Not good, mind you, but better.  Of course that morphed into an app on my phone, but it still comes up on my to-do list every 5 days and I ended up with a handful of plants that actually looked OK.

Outside is another story.  I've always hated the heat so even if I put something on my to-do list every other day, I'm sure I would find some excuse not to water.  Luckily DH is phenomenal (anal retentive?) about that and keeps our outside plants looking attractive.

Last year I got smart and decided to make a miniature garden/greenhouse.  Those flowers always look fantastic and I NEVER have to water them!  Win-win!

But I was so excited by my garden window when we redid the kitchen.  It was gorgeous and plenty large enough to keep a wide assortment of plants close at hand so I could remember to water them.  I decided to give houseplants another go.  I even foolishly got a seed starter kit for herbs.  After a few weeks this is what I had growing.

Wow.  Talk about dismal.  (Oh and check out the poor daisy behind the herbs ... deader than the proverbial door nail!)

So I did what any self respecting home owner would do.  I went out and bought replacement herbs.  Hey, at least they look healthy now.

 

OK, I might have cheated a bit and bought a few other plants as well. 

 

The garden window looks great and there will be a few spares when they start getting neglected.

Maybe I should stick to miniature flowers.  I can't kill those!

The next step

Joe graduated from high school over a year ago.  I never thought it would be this hard to get him a job!  Although I know he interviews poorly (when asked if he would like doing something he usually answers truthfully "well I guess it would be okay if you paid me enough") he is a hard worker and really wants to be useful.

So after our college option disappeared for this fall, my interest in getting him busier peaked.  We reapplied to Vocational Rehab (which we had abandoned last fall because of a personality conflict with his employment specialist) and while we were waiting for the speedy government, his job coach at the coffee shop (Kim) heard about a local hospital who wanted to hire special needs folks.  He had an interview last week with a few folks from the hospital and several people from Kim's company.  He reluctantly let us dress him up in a suit.

Turns out he was the star of the interviews.  One other boy dressed up but Kim said it looked like his polo had been over with her truck and one girl had "hygiene issues".  Well that is one way to get Joe to stand out in a favorable way! He has his second interview with the hospital tomorrow.

Practicing dish washing ("Mom, not THAT kind of dish washing!")

Then yesterday Kim told me about a dishwasher position at a local restaurant.  This morning Joe told me that this week was very stressful and he was looking forward to no more interviews for awhile!

But he did go over to the restaurant with Kim today.  Although this isn't even Kim's job, she is trying so hard to get Joe a real job and I am truly touched.  Joe came home positively bubbly (for him) and told me that the restaurant wanted to hire him.  "And they even are going to pay me!"

He is still going to the hospital interview tomorrow but he told me he was pretty sure he wanted the dishwasher job.  Of course, I am torn.  Part of me says "go for the hospital" there is more long term benefits to working there.  The other part of me says "go for the restaurant" and work there until next fall and then reapply to college.  The hospital would probably pay more but it is also a 25 minute drive from home on a busy interstate.  Pros and cons to both.

But whatever route he chooses, my 6' 2" little boy will be working somewhere very soon -- and they are even going to pay him!

TBT - Blog Style!

A dear blogging friend, started doing Throw Back Thursdays on her blog.  It seemed like a good idea.  I actually had a few good blogs before anyone read me and I've been in a bit of a funk lately and I haven't written much so it seemed like a good match.

This is a blog post I originally wrote about Alan's picky eating on January 14, 2013.  It was sort of sad to re-read it and realize how little has changed in those 16 months.  Then when I went looking for a picture (and you can tell it is recent since it is in the new kitchen) you can see all the foods I list later at his spot -- with the mini Fudge Stripes in a little row! 

Oh well, the kid still makes me laugh.

Picky Eaters 

 

While I'm sure every parent thinks they have picky eaters, I strongly suspect (and would probably be willing to bet upwards of $100) that Alan tops 99% of your children!

Many kids on the spectrum are on limited diets -- the most common of which is the gluten free-casein free (no wheat or milk products) diet.  We had Alan tested for wheat and milk allergies when we tried the biomedical treatments and the results were that he was moderately allergic to milk but not at all allergic to wheat.  So we tried to eliminate milk from his diet.  The only problem with that was that milk was the only source of protein in his entire diet.  We tried rice and soy and he wouldn't drink them.  He has never let us put flavoring of any sort in his milk so we couldn't even try to hide the flavor in chocolate milk.  Score:  Alan 1, Parents 0

We next tried to eliminate lactose from his diet.  This did work.  Dairy Ease or Lactaid both taste close enough to regular milk that we can get him to drink those with relative ease.  This seemed to end his chronic (albeit intermittent) diarrhea.  Alan 1, Parents 1

We took him to "picky eaters" food class near home.  This was at a local organization that was specifically for children with autism.  He lasted two classes before the OT asked us to please not bring him back.  Alan 2, Parents 1

Next we tried taking him to a local OT center that specializes in sensory problems and has several people that deal specifically with broadening a child's palette.  The entire center has supposedly done wonders for so many local kids.  We had three different OTs work with Alan for almost a year (driving 20-30 minutes each way) and all they managed was to get him to touch certain undesired foods to his tongue.  He would not go the further step of holding the food in his mouth and they (somewhat reluctantly) admitted defeat.  Alan 3, Parents 1

"So what does he drink?" you might ask.  If left to his own devices he would only drink soda.  Sigh.  So we give him a small cup of soda and an equal sized cup of lactose free milk.  He usually drinks the soda and the milk sits on the table until he wants more soda and then he will finally drink the milk.  Sigh.  I am not sure who wins in this one so we will keep the score the same.  Alan 3, Parents 1

"So what does he eat?" you might ask.  Basically we give him four foods at a time.  

• a favorite (either Oreo cookies, a Poptart with the edges broken off or a cereal bar which we had to stop giving him when we finally figured out that the only kind he would eat were Cinnamon Toast Crunch milk and cereal bars and that was causing problems)
• a fruit -- usually apples but occasionally he will let us give him purple seedless grapes (no green or even red)
• a bowl of something -- white cheddar or cheese popcorn, corn puffs, rice cakes (cheddar or ranch only) Cocoa Puffs or Honey Nut Cheerios
• animal crackers

And that is it.  He eats those same things all day, every day and has for the last 2-3 years.  There is no protein in his diet other than the milk.  We started including the animal crackers simply as a "break food".  He would eat the favorite food until he was as wide as he is tall so we added the animal crackers on to the plate so he would be forced to eat something he doesn't really like to slow him down or provide a break.  Again, I'm not sure who wins that round so we will call it a tie.  Alan 3, Parents 1

What about when we go out to eat?  He will eat French fries and he will drink soda and that is it.  Alan 4, Parents 1

What about vitamins or supplements?  We had him on Juice Plus for several years.  He took the gummies quite willingly for a long time.  Then he started pushing them to the back of his throat and gagging himself with them and we had to take him off them.  Luckily we did have a wonderful SLP a few years ago that taught him how to swallow pills.  In fact, he is the best in the family now at swallowing pills.  He will put his entire fist of medicine in his mouth and then chug a glass of water and they all go down.  Another tie.  Alan 4, Parents 1

Several experts in the field have told me that no child will starve themselves to death and that is probably true.  However, when the alternative is to have a knock down, drag out fight with an incredibly stubborn young man who can make the whole house miserable -- is it really so awful that he eats popcorn for breakfast?

The kitchen is finished!

Although we've been talking (seriously) about remodeling our kitchen for a couple of years now, there were times that I never thought I'd be able to make this statement.  The kitchen is finished!  It looks great and there are only a few minor things I would do differently if I were redoing things.  We are all still getting used to things, but it is so fun.

The biggest change came in ripping down these overhead cabinets.

The darn things just made it really hard to see people on the other side of the same room.

The other big structural change was removing the wall oven.

It really cut into our front hall.  This is the old view from the front hall.

And here is the new view from the front hall.

Pretty different, huh?

I also got this gorgeous garden window.

After all, with my notable brown thumb, I should be able to kill plants in style, now!

The old pantry was actually pretty nice.  It had all these lovely pull out organizing drawers inside.

But Alan never (and I mean never) left the doors closed. This picture had to have been taken when he was upstairs, outside or not home.

Here is what the pantry became ...

The phone table actually matches the new cabinets pretty darn well.  We won't even have to replace it!

The floor turned out to be the best thing since sliced bread.  It matches the hall, the countertops, the living room and dining room walls and carpet and of course the new kitchen walls and cabinets.  We never dreamed it would be so flexible.

One of the few minor drawbacks is that the table is smaller than our old table.  We can fit four chairs around it to eat, but we can't keep them all pushed in at the same time.  Since DH busted Diesel on top of the table one morning we've been putting one chair in the family room when we are not using it to keep the fuzzbutt off the table.


And finally, here is the old view from the garage door entrance ...

And here is the new view.

It is just so open and bright!  I love it.  I still need to figure out what (if anything) I am going to do in the way of window treatments, but the kitchen is finished.  (I love being able to say that! -- can you tell?)

The inflamation that won't end ...

I have an eye condition called episcleritis.  My eye sclera gets inflamed and turns various shades of red.  It is not contagious.  I have not scratched it.  But it does hurt.  A lot!

I tend to get these pesky things when I'm under stress.  I got my first one when I was pregnant with Alan.  I have since gotten 3-4 a year on average -- this is a bit of guess, but I don't think I'm exaggerating.  Some go away in a couple of days.  Most hang around for a couple of weeks.  I have one now that has pretty much been here since the start of April.  Ugh.

I'm tired of people in my house.  Although for the most part the workers have all been polite, unobtrusive and good at their respective jobs, the revolving door involved with a major home remodel is stressful.

Then there are the financial implications of the kitchen.  It wasn't cheap.  We both agreed that we were going to do it "right" because we didn't want to be redoing this in 10 years, but it was expensive.  Certainly more than I initially thought it would be.

Then I got a letter today telling me that Joe didn't make it into the college program.  Truthfully this probably stresses DH and I way more than Joe.  We want more for him than working a couple of weekends a month and volunteering three mornings a week.

Both boyz are having medication issues.  Joe is experiencing severe anxiety about weird things.  A med change should help with that.  Alan's OCD is flaring again.  We are going to the doctor later this week.  Hopefully he can work a few of his usual medication miracles.

Then there are some family issues which I don't want to go into on the blog.  Some are health related.  Others are conflicts.  Each issue is another straw upon this proverbial camel.

But on the bright side, I think I like the new kitchen color!  It's a cheerful yellow.

Close enough to walk

Where do I start?  It has been forever since I've blogged. 

Mainly I have spent the last month babysitting contractors working in our kitchen.  No, I don't have to sit there and watch them, but being on site helps prevent all sorts of problems and hiccups.  That said, today is supposed to be our final inspection and then the great kitchen project should be complete.  As soon as it gets painted, I plan to devote an entire blog post to the kitchen, but right now it is only functional, not pretty -- and I want pretty pictures. 

I am also having a bit of a "creativity crisis".  I haven't worked on my minis in ages, I haven't done any scrapbooking, I sure haven't done any cooking and I obviously haven't done much in the way of blogging.  I've been reading and playing computer games.  Ugh.

Weekend before last Joe and I went to DC.  Again, I feel like I should do an entire post just to highlight our trip.  It was a lot of fun, and I want to do it justice.  But that isn't what is on my mind this morning either.

Today, I am stressing over people that don't get it.

DH and I were talking this morning about an unexpected offer to watch Alan.  I won't shame this person by identification, but I think it is safe to say that the qualifications are not there.

While it is true that we don't have frequent meltdowns, we do make a lot of daily accommodations -- many unconsciously.  When we were forced to write out specific directions recently for a babysitter, it was amazing the number of things we did differently from each other and yet consistently the same.  Those routines are incredibly important to Alan.  Yes, they have to change sometimes, but we just do it.  So many things that we've learned over the years we do without agonizing over it. 

When someone thinks that we've got it under control or they could do what we do without much training, it is sort of insulting.  Many days feel like we are engaged in guerrilla warfare.  I am emotionally exhausted most nights.

I just wish people would cut me some slack when I don't do what everyone else does.  It isn't just a matter of finding a babysitter -- it is a matter of finding a reliable, adaptable, comfortable, trustworthy, flexible person who has some autism training. 

They sure aren't around every corner!

Our monsoon

Everyone has heard the expression "It never rains, but it pours."  Last week, we had a figurative monsoon.

Monday (St. Patrick's Day) was the day we started ripping out our kitchen.  Yay!  We've been looking forward to this for months -- or in my case, years!

So the weekend before was supposed to be a double camp weekend for the boyz.  This was going to be perfect.  We could move the kitchen table, etc. into the dining room and buy some last minute kitchen things we've been wanting to shop for together (new chairs, dishes, faucet, etc.) while we had the house to ourselves.  We were also going to go over to my parents for a belated birthday celebration (remember it snowed then) as well as St. Pat's dinner.  My mom loves to host things and it just doesn't work at her house with Alan so this was going to be a wonderful relaxing, ADULT weekend.

Friday afternoon

Friday morning Alan gets up to go to school and five minutes before the bus is scheduled to come has explosive diarrhea.  Now with Alan, this could mean he is sick or it could mean he got too much dairy in the previous few days (he's lactose intolerant).  I kept him home to be safe and he seemed a little sluggish at first but by early afternoon he was back to his typical self.  I told myself we had just finished off some Cookies & Cream Pop-tarts and went ahead and packed for camp.

When I dropped him off, I told his buddy what had happened (I don't believe in trying to sneak something like that by them).  I knew that Alan technically should not be at camp (it had been less than 24 hours since he had diarrhea) but he didn't SEEM sick.  In fact, he heard me say "camp" earlier in the day and repeated it several times which is usually a positive thing.  He doesn't say "yes", he just repeats the words if that is what he wants.

DH and I grabbed a late dinner Friday night and watched a movie.  I talked to the nurse at camp Saturday morning (about something different) and she said Alan was doing fine -- eating breakfast, etc.  It seemed like the crisis had been averted.  We ran errands, had some beer to celebrate St. Pat's and went over to my parents' house.  About a half hour after we got there, I got a call from the director of camp to say that Alan was just lying around and he hadn't eaten any lunch or dinner.  Great.

So we went to pick him up early.  He still didn't seem "sick", but he wasn't exactly "right" either.  Shortly after we got home, I got sick.  I didn't have any of the really nasty stuff, I was just weak, shaky and NOT hungry (all I ate all day Sunday was a granola bar).  Then Sunday night on the way home from camp, Joe puked all over his car while driving.  My sainted hubby cleaned that up while Joe and I slept.  Luckily by then Alan seemed back to normal.

Monday morning I struggled to vertical long enough to let the contractor in and drive Alan to day camp (it was his spring break but I had signed him up for a day camp knowing this was close to kitchen time) and then came home and slept some more. 

By Monday afternoon I felt better.  When I picked Alan up, one of the staff stopped me to tell me about the college option for Joe.  We got the paperwork on Tuesday, had the tour on Wednesday, filled out the paperwork on Thursday and submitted it on Friday.

Joe was FANTASTIC about filling out most of the paperwork himself.

Meanwhile, the kitchen went from this ...

to this ...

to this ...

I'm exhausted just writing all this, so hopefully you have a sense of our monsoon from last week.  At least this week is calling for calmer weather ... and the installation of new cabinets!

How a home improvement is like raising a child with autism ...

We are in the process of remodeling our kitchen.  By "in" the process, I mean the planning portion of the process.  My goal would be to have it done by the end of spring.  DH would like it done before fall.  Clearly we have different expectations!

However, the overall process of a major house remodeling project is so similar to raising special needs children that I thought it was funny. 

It all starts with someone noticing a deficit.  Like autism, one of us (in both cases, me) saw a problem a bit before the other.  I've been wanting to redo the kitchen for years but over the last few years, DH has (albeit reluctantly) come to the same conclusion.

So first you start looking for options.  You exhaust the internet for any and all sources of information.  What kind of cabinets do you want?  What kinds of therapies or treatments are out there?  Who do you want to do the installation?  What is the best school?

Then you start asking your friends about their experiences.  A neighbor who recently remodeled will warrant a visit.  A friend whose child was diagnosed a few years ago will get a phone call or an e-mail.

Then you wonder about trends.  Everyone else is getting stainless steel appliances.  Should you still get them because they look nice or should you go with your gut and get black because you know you won't clean them often enough and they will always look dirty to you?  Many people have had such great results with the GFCF diet but your child will make your life a living hell if you try to eliminate all sources of gluten and casein.

And there is the unwelcome advise.  We haven't gone to every kitchen store within a hundred miles and we haven't tried every treatment ever invented.  That isn't the way we operate.  We find what we like and will make the most of it.

Then there are the parts that haven't happened yet where I can see similarities.  I remember all too well the "revolving door" of home ABA.  It helped Joe so much but I hated the lack of privacy.  Yep, that would be the installation.

Then there is all the time that we will have to either eat out or get very creative with eating in.  That is a lot like the holidays with Alan.

I won't get into the economic similarities but it is safe to say that both will be pretty expensive.

But despite my opening paragraph, DH and I are in sync for this project like we are for raising the boyz.  We each compromise on a few things but overall find we like most of the same things.  And like autism there are pros and cons. 

And like autism it is sometimes very hard to imagine the end result in the early stages ...