TBT -- More Monkey Pictures

Welcome to Throwback Thursday -- blog style!  This post originally ran on December 13, 2012.  Here you can see why we finished our basement the way we did!

More Monkey Pictures

As promised ... more Alan monkey pictures!

See the plywood on the left side?  That is to protect
wires and copper tubing that he was trying to
use to climb.  Thank goodness DH is handy!

scaling the support pole ...
the kid has "monkey toes"

Climbing up the basement banister
Note it is now a 2"x4" because he
broke the original banister

I love that he does this with a DVD box in
his hand.  He can go all the way from
the basement to the main floor without
touching the actual stairs!

trying to climb through the deck stairs
... he didn't fit!

Squeezing into a cubby in the basement

Another tree he likes to climb at his
aunt's house ... several people
observed that the statue is probably
watching over him!

The kid's flexibility is amazing!

My BIL commented that he looks like the
vulture on Snoopy's doghouse!

More balance beam work

High up in the tree

He had been trying to climb the shelves in his closet.
Note: the bottom left clothes bar has already been
removed ... so have the closet doors but that was
years before!

Somehow he managed to shimmy up on the shelf

crawling across for variety

not sure how he got up there in the first place

oh, maybe like this!

Doesn't everyone relax on top of the monkey bars?

  

just hanging out

Inside he also resorts to bed burrowing

Stair diving ... headfirst on his back!

Hiding in "the tunnel" as he calls it

TBT - My Monkey

Here is my Throwback Thursday blog post -- My Monkey -- which originally ran on December 12, 2012 (when I'm pretty sure I had zero readers!)  Enjoy the pictures!

My Monkey 

Several times I have referred to the fact that Alan climbs EVERYTHING, but as they say a picture is worth a thousand words, I thought I would share a few favorites ...

Doesn't everyone climb monkey bars like this?

Or this?

Love the hands in the pockets!  Mr. Cool!

The tree is popular too!

He learned how to shimmy
up the side of the A-frame

Although watching him balance
on the top was the most
nerve wracking!

Playground equipment is fun, too!

Perching

Who needs stairs when you can
climb through the banister?

Once again, the hands are in the pockets.
The neighbors all love to watch him.

These are all from 2011.  Tomorrow I will post some from this year and they are even funnier.  That kid!

TBT - Driving Julie Crazy

Happy Throwback Thursday - Blog Style!  Since I am once more in the middle of driving Alan to camp every day, it seemed appropriate to re-run this post from last year.  Although I no longer have a "new" car, everything else is still appropriate!

Driving Julie Crazy

Someone once gave me a small plaque that said "Whoever said you only go around once in life, never had carpool duty."
 

The funny thing is, I didn't really mind carpool duty most of the time.  When Joe was in grade school we found another family with whom we meshed perfectly.  I didn't mind driving in the morning, but really did not like waiting in the after school carpool line.  The other mom didn't like getting up in the morning but didn't mind the after school drive.  It was a good fit.  We continued to carpool through two kids each and two schools and it always worked out well.

Unfortunately not all carpooling is so pleasant.  And when you throw special needs into the equation, things can get VERY interesting!

I had the kid that wanted to listen to his choice of music in the morning.  Sorry, kid, you want a happy driver and I get very edgy when I don't have my tunes.

I had the time that Alan was going to school a half hour away from home (and then I had to drop Joe off) before I could go home.  Naturally, as soon as I pulled into the school parking lot, Alan sprayed his breakfast all over the back seat.  Yuck!!

I had the little girl who would only listen to certain songs (and I had a limited number of them on my CDs).  I got to hear Lady Gaga's Just Dance song four times one morning because that was how long it took to get to school.  Thank goodness that was a close school!

I had the child wearing so much scented body lotion, I felt like I was attempting to walk through the department store perfume department.  Have I mentioned that I'm very olfactory sensitive??
  
I had the time that a police officer pulled me over and I was so happy that I had FOUR children with varying degrees of autism that were all sitting quietly and correctly wearing their seat belts that in never occurred to me that I might get a ticket.  He did give me one for "improper lane usage" (I got in the turn lane a little before it technically started) and it was all I could do not to ask him who pissed in his Cheerios that morning.

I had the child that used to insult Alan (although never when I was driving).  

I had the kid that unbuckled himself and leaned over the back of my seat to try to turn off my radio because he was going through a "silence" phase.

I had the time Alan's OCD required him to jump in and out of the open car door at least five times before he would get in or out to stay.  Naturally the other ASD boy we were driving decided he would do the same thing.

Then there was the time Alan sat ON another kid.  Luckily he had a sister who was at a similar functioning level and he just calmly said, "Alan, you need to get up."  He repeated himself several times but didn't get angry or upset.

Of course when Alan tried that with another boy, he shoved Alan out the door.

Nowadays I do a lot less driving of Joe so it is just Alan.  Camp started this week so I have been dealing with the afternoon parking lot crazies.  It is probably worse for me this year because I have a new car.  I am so worried I will end up like this!

Between buses that do not slow down when going through VERY narrow openings to the nutty parents and the pokey kids, it is enough to make me wonder if a medicine increase for the summer is in order.  That would be mine, not Alan's.

TBT - What Might Have Been

Here is my version of Throw Back Thursday -- blog style!  (Or TBT-BS as I like to call it!)

This post originally appeared January 8, 2013 and it is still true today.

What Might Have Been

Most of the time I do not have an inferiority complex about staying home.  I have a college degree and I always thought I would go back to work in my chosen field after Alan was in school.  That said, both DH and I really wanted one of us to stay home when the boys were young.  As I had worked fewer years than DH and made less money there was never any debate about which of us would stay home.  I have never felt that DH looks down on me for staying home.  On the contrary, he has always been very supportive and occasionally jealous.  Sometimes I get jealous that he "gets" to go to work because the boys can stress me out but other days, I realize I am lucky because I get to work on my hobbies or go out to lunch with friends or whatever.  So overall we have a good balance, I think.

Then something happens ... in this case my Dad invited me to join LinkedIn.  This is a professional network and as I am not working in a profession I resisted for a long time. Then a fellow hobbyist invited me to join her professional network and I accepted.  So naturally I was curious as to what had happened to my fellow classmates.  OK, now I have a bit of an inferiority complex.  Actually it is less that than the jealousy of how my life might have been.  If I hadn't had two special needs kids would I now be manager of this or senior director of that?  Maybe.  But I might also be divorced as the boys' problems have definitely brought DH and I much closer.  We really have to pull together at times in order to survive.

I read this blog recently (Autism Strains Yet Strengthens a Marriage) and totally understood it.  Yet while reading all the comments below the article I was appalled.  People actually made comments that hinted that these people were living in Hollywood.  They never said their marriage was perfect and nor would I say that about mine.  But the title alone says a lot.  Raising special needs children is a strain but if you work together it can also strengthen a marriage.  But (and this is huge) it takes two people who are committed to making it work.  It can be hard work but with a sense of humor and a heck of a lot of stubbornness, it can happen. 

Sometimes DH and I like to joke that we could never get divorced because we would spend way too much money in a custody battle -- only in our case we would be fighting to give custody to the other person!  A lot of marriages do end in divorce especially when there are special needs kids involved.  Sometimes one parent or the other cannot deal with the special needs and that is really unfortunate.  In general I think parenting is easier when you can tag team and that is even more critical when the children are high maintenance.  

So today while I might wonder what it would be like to be a big shot in the working world, I am also thankful that I don't have to be out there trying to do it all alone.

Writer's block

I have a really bad case of creativity block.

Some of this is certainly the fact that summer is here.  I have never been a big fan of warm weather.  Alan is home more and DH is currently on a business trip.  Sigh.

I haven't done much recently with my minis.

I've hardly even cooked much in my new kitchen.

I haven't written anything recently on this blog of which I am particularly happy.  Father's Day is coming up and I haven't even written a good tribute to DH.

So, since today is Thursday, I will take advantage of TBT and re-run my tribute from last year which is probably one of my all time favorite posts anyway.  So Happy Father's Day, DH!

Happy Father's Day, DH!

As regular readers know, I do not refer to my hubby by name, merely as DH.  Lest anyone be confused that does stand for Dear Husband NOT D*%# Husband.

The young and the clueless

DH and I met some 25 years ago and it wasn't exactly love at first sight.  We both thought the other had some goofy traits -- I was concerned about silly things like whether or not his clothes matched (they didn't) and he thought I needed to grow up (I did).  Obviously we did eventually reconcile these little problems.

So fast forward some seven years to Joe's birth.  I know that DH and I were terrified.  I would be hard pressed to say who was more so.  We were both the youngest in our family and although we both had nieces, we really had very limited experience with kids in general and babies in particular.  

We both have a vivid memory of leaving the hospital, getting out to the car with Joe and wondering how the heck did we get the car seat in the car?!?!?!   I am positive that he was not properly restrained for that first short drive.  Then there were diapers.  I think I had changed a grand total of two diapers before Joe was born and I'm pretty sure DH hadn't even changed that many.

I'm sure anyone who has ever cared for a newborn remembers that dreaded "transition" diaper.  That's the one with the consistency, color and smell of rancid tar.  We got Joe's at about 3 in the morning on his first night home.  While trying to clean it up (which took two of us) we were both christened along with the wall and floor of Joe's room -- ah, the special joys of little boys.  I was in so much pain from trying to breastfeed and a difficult birth that all I wanted to do was cry but DH just laughed which made me laugh and like so many things that would come later, he helped me get through.

Joe wasn't always an easy baby.  He would make himself go rigid and thrash like there was no tomorrow, but like many with autism he was the world's cutest toddler.  However, he only had about 10 words until he was almost 3 when we started our own version of ABA so he was definitely a challenge!

DH was always fantastic about coming with me to doctor after doctor and school meeting after school meeting.  I remember when we had home ABA with Joe and DH would make it to most of the team meetings.  Our ABA coordinator told us she didn't even know what most of the dads looked like and here was DH sitting in and contributing in most of the meetings. 

He would take Joe to the pool, the playground and even built a swing-set for him.  (And 14 years later, that swing-set is still in use by the younger child.)  But Dad and Joe are still pals and play tennis, chess and go for bike rides.

But I think what I like best about DH as a father is that he was never upset about the fact that Joe didn't play conventional sports.  We tried both t-ball and soccer when he was younger and they were complete disasters.  But it was never an issue.  I know so many guys that want to live vicariously through their male off-spring and DH was never that way.  He happily took Joe to gymnastics and later piano and bowling.  He taught him how to play tennis and we both taught him to ride a bike (with DH doing more of the running than yours truly!)

He also liked just relaxing and being silly with Joe.

Although he had a little denial before Joe was diagnosed he probably had less than me with Alan.  I was just convinced that lightning did NOT strike twice.  Alan was such a different baby than Joe -- cuddly, amazing eye contact, lots more babbling -- that I did not think he could possibly have autism. 

But once again, with DH's fantastic sense of humor and help, we got through all the sleepless nights, the poop smearing, the B-12 shots in Alan's butt while he slept, the bizarre climbing, the endless "Alan-proofing" of the basement, etc.  

The poor guy even has allergies but when Joe wanted a cat, DH said sure. 

And DH still has some of the ickier jobs with the boys.  He usually ends up taking Alan to the sedation dentist because it takes two males (DH and the doc) along with three nurses to hold him down and give him the initial shot.

And through all this, he remains my best friend and the person most likely to make me laugh.  Overall I couldn't ask for a better husband or Dad to my boyz!  

Love you, babe!

TBT - Do ya feel lucky?

Welcome to Julie's Boyz' version of Throw Back Thursday -- Blog Style (TBT-BS: got to love that acronym!)  I am taking Thursdays to rerun some of my older blog posts.  This one originally ran on March 27, 2013.

An assortment of "free time" pics for Alan's iPad from March 2013

Do ya feel lucky?

When I was younger, my mom used to always call me her "good luck charm".  I did seem to win an inordinate amount of random drawings.

On our honeymoon, DH and I went to Bahamas which is a big gambling place.  We both came very quickly to the twin conclusions that we were not particularly lucky and we really hated losing our hard earned money in a game of chance.

When our first baby was born, people were still throwing around numbers like 1 in 10,000 for autism so our knowledge of autism was next to nil.  Of course to add insult to injury, Rain Man had only come out a few years earlier so what knowledge we had was skewed as well.

Of course by the time Joe was diagnosed they were using numbers like 1 in 5000 but still I had several people assure me that it didn't run in families.  If I knew then what I know now, I would probably have stopped there and I also think I would have been a better mother.

I was reading Stuart Duncan yesterday and while I normally love his blog, yesterday's post just grated on me.  In Don't fear autism and certainly do not fear your own child he says basically that parents are not having children because they fear autism.  He says we should instead reassure prospective parents.

Reassure them that they most babies are born healthy?  I think they know this.  I think if anyone is not having a child because they are afraid their child would have autism, they are simply not the gambling type.

In the case of subsequent children once one is diagnosed, personally I think this a good thing.  When you are at a high risk for something you should be allowed to consider whether that risk is personally worth it.

When this generation of autistic children reaches adulthood, they will put a hell of an additional strain on the economy since most of them will not be functioning members of society.  If the 1 in 50 number is truly accurate, then at least 1 child in 50 will also need to have a career that focuses on the care of autistic adults.  That just boggles the mind.

Yes it is very possible (98% possible) that you will have a neurotypical child.  But a 2% risk to forever alter your life requires very careful consideration.

Could you be a good parent to a special needs child? 

Maybe these prospective parents know they are too selfish to give up their whole lifestyle forever if their child is severe.  Maybe mom and dad are both very into their careers and know that they could not make all the meetings that would be required.  Maybe they are struggling financially and have heard how costly it is to have a child with special needs.  Maybe their marriage is already rocky and the idea of raising a special needs child single-handed is daunting.

That is a choice.  Maybe they are just not gamblers.

TBT - Mischief Mode

Ha!  I found this post when I was looking for my TBT (Throwback Thursday) post and had to laugh.  This post originally ran during Spring Break of 2013.  Today is the start of "summer vacation" for Alan.  Of course, in reality he starts summer school next Monday so it is only a few days, but I could totally relate to this anyway.  We also have the fun of a haircut scheduled for tomorrow -- DH is taking a half day of vacation to help us break this rut.  Say a prayer that it will help.  Have a great weekend, readers!

Mischief mode

By the time Spring Break is over for the boys, I will probably weigh 300 pounds.

 
I'm a "stress" eater.  I've always known this.  When I am blissfully happy, I forget to eat.  For some unknown reason I haven't done that in years. 

This week is especially tough because all Alan wants to do is go out to eat lunch -- and we all know that fast food is sooooooooo good for you.
 
Meanwhile, Alan no longer likes to go to the zoo or the park or anything remotely like this.  So after taking him out to lunch, he climbs and gets into mischief and I eat.  And it is only Wednesday. 

DH was hoping to take a few days off work to help me out but he is having problems and vacation isn't a great thing at the moment.  We are still hopeful that will change tomorrow or Friday.

We had to get rid of all our home workout equipment because Alan liked to climb on it (that is a bit hard on an elliptical or a weight machine) and so I don't have any easy way to work out here at home.

I had some faint hopes before Spring Break that I could race up to the gym and do a fast workout and leave Joe in charge of Alan but unfortunately for that plan, Alan has been in mischief mode this week.

Alan knows what he is allowed to do outside.  Really, I think we are pretty darn lenient about that but we do draw a few lines.

We do not allow him to climb on the neighbors' swing set.  While he is unlikely to fall, 160 lb kid could easily break something.  And, if he does fall and hurt himself, I am sure they would come up with some way to sue us for that.

We also do not allow him to climb over our deck rails.  We have reinforced all the rails but still don't think that is a good thing.  We also don't allow him to climb the siding of our house.  And yes, he has tried to do all of these things especially when he gets in mischief mode.

He is actually sort of entertaining to watch when he gets into mischief mode.  He goes outside and looks over his shoulder to see if I am watching.  When he sees that I am, he happily walks over to the tree or the swing-set and climbs and plays.  Then he casually glances over his shoulder and studies the sliding glass door and any of the windows in which he has seen me watching him.  If he doesn't spot me he scampers off to one of the places he knows he's not allowed to climb and starts climbing.

Yesterday was a fairly pleasant day so I figured I would take my book and read outside while he climbed.  That worked for awhile and then I went inside and as soon as I went away from the windows to do something mundane like laundry or dishes, he struck!  I came back to find him hanging on the railing from the outside of our deck.  Grrrrrrrrr

After a time out, he wanted to go outside again so I followed him out with my trusty book.  I got a deck chair set up and ... he decided to go back inside.  I put away the deck chair and followed him and ... he decided to go back outside so I followed him and then he gave up and decided to play inside for a little while.  Thank goodness for small favors. 

Of course, being inside makes it easier for me to eat.  There is always a downside.

TBT - Blog Style!

A dear blogging friend, started doing Throw Back Thursdays on her blog.  It seemed like a good idea.  I actually had a few good blogs before anyone read me and I've been in a bit of a funk lately and I haven't written much so it seemed like a good match.

This is a blog post I originally wrote about Alan's picky eating on January 14, 2013.  It was sort of sad to re-read it and realize how little has changed in those 16 months.  Then when I went looking for a picture (and you can tell it is recent since it is in the new kitchen) you can see all the foods I list later at his spot -- with the mini Fudge Stripes in a little row! 

Oh well, the kid still makes me laugh.

Picky Eaters 

 

While I'm sure every parent thinks they have picky eaters, I strongly suspect (and would probably be willing to bet upwards of $100) that Alan tops 99% of your children!

Many kids on the spectrum are on limited diets -- the most common of which is the gluten free-casein free (no wheat or milk products) diet.  We had Alan tested for wheat and milk allergies when we tried the biomedical treatments and the results were that he was moderately allergic to milk but not at all allergic to wheat.  So we tried to eliminate milk from his diet.  The only problem with that was that milk was the only source of protein in his entire diet.  We tried rice and soy and he wouldn't drink them.  He has never let us put flavoring of any sort in his milk so we couldn't even try to hide the flavor in chocolate milk.  Score:  Alan 1, Parents 0

We next tried to eliminate lactose from his diet.  This did work.  Dairy Ease or Lactaid both taste close enough to regular milk that we can get him to drink those with relative ease.  This seemed to end his chronic (albeit intermittent) diarrhea.  Alan 1, Parents 1

We took him to "picky eaters" food class near home.  This was at a local organization that was specifically for children with autism.  He lasted two classes before the OT asked us to please not bring him back.  Alan 2, Parents 1

Next we tried taking him to a local OT center that specializes in sensory problems and has several people that deal specifically with broadening a child's palette.  The entire center has supposedly done wonders for so many local kids.  We had three different OTs work with Alan for almost a year (driving 20-30 minutes each way) and all they managed was to get him to touch certain undesired foods to his tongue.  He would not go the further step of holding the food in his mouth and they (somewhat reluctantly) admitted defeat.  Alan 3, Parents 1

"So what does he drink?" you might ask.  If left to his own devices he would only drink soda.  Sigh.  So we give him a small cup of soda and an equal sized cup of lactose free milk.  He usually drinks the soda and the milk sits on the table until he wants more soda and then he will finally drink the milk.  Sigh.  I am not sure who wins in this one so we will keep the score the same.  Alan 3, Parents 1

"So what does he eat?" you might ask.  Basically we give him four foods at a time.  

• a favorite (either Oreo cookies, a Poptart with the edges broken off or a cereal bar which we had to stop giving him when we finally figured out that the only kind he would eat were Cinnamon Toast Crunch milk and cereal bars and that was causing problems)
• a fruit -- usually apples but occasionally he will let us give him purple seedless grapes (no green or even red)
• a bowl of something -- white cheddar or cheese popcorn, corn puffs, rice cakes (cheddar or ranch only) Cocoa Puffs or Honey Nut Cheerios
• animal crackers

And that is it.  He eats those same things all day, every day and has for the last 2-3 years.  There is no protein in his diet other than the milk.  We started including the animal crackers simply as a "break food".  He would eat the favorite food until he was as wide as he is tall so we added the animal crackers on to the plate so he would be forced to eat something he doesn't really like to slow him down or provide a break.  Again, I'm not sure who wins that round so we will call it a tie.  Alan 3, Parents 1

What about when we go out to eat?  He will eat French fries and he will drink soda and that is it.  Alan 4, Parents 1

What about vitamins or supplements?  We had him on Juice Plus for several years.  He took the gummies quite willingly for a long time.  Then he started pushing them to the back of his throat and gagging himself with them and we had to take him off them.  Luckily we did have a wonderful SLP a few years ago that taught him how to swallow pills.  In fact, he is the best in the family now at swallowing pills.  He will put his entire fist of medicine in his mouth and then chug a glass of water and they all go down.  Another tie.  Alan 4, Parents 1

Several experts in the field have told me that no child will starve themselves to death and that is probably true.  However, when the alternative is to have a knock down, drag out fight with an incredibly stubborn young man who can make the whole house miserable -- is it really so awful that he eats popcorn for breakfast?