Guerrilla warfare or why I appreciate teachers

As a mom to special needs kiddos, I guarantee you that I appreciate teachers more than your average parent -- even more than a parent who happens to teach.  I love my boyz but some days (especially Sundays), I tend to count the hours until Alan returns to school.  It is just emotionally draining at times.  I am unbelievably cut off from family and friends.

Even though I have teenagers, I can't leave them alone in the house for even the half hour it would take to run to the grocery store.  I have been known to put a video on for Luke and run up to the grocery store to pick up milk or prescriptions and I am wracked with guilt the entire time.  What if he climbs somewhere he is not supposed to climb?  What if he falls and hurts himself?  What if he opens a window and climbs out on the roof?  The first two have happened repeatedly and although the last one hasn't happened (yet) it is certainly within the realm of possibility.

Now that Joe is driving, I can at least send him to the store, but there are certain things he is not capable of doing.  He won't use our medical flexible spending card.  He certainly will not look for the best deal when it comes to picking out soup, crackers, eggs, apples, etc.  He won't buy any sort of produce unless it is something he will eat.  Even though I have tried to show him how to pick out assorted veggies and meats, he is not comfortable buying them.  Luckily I have some pretty fantastic neighbors who have been known to share an egg or an onion occasionally.

As always, DH helps immeasurably.   But one of us always has to be on "Alan duty".  24/7/365  So when DH has to work on the weekends (it happens when you work for a utility!), or wants an afternoon off to work out, play a game with friends or even go see a movie by himself, that means I am on duty.  Don't get me wrong, I do NOT begrudge him that time, just like he does not begrudge me the time I spend on miniatures during the school days.  We both need that time "away".  But for the person responsible for Alan, it is "duty".

In many ways dealing with Alan is like guerrilla warfare.  According to Wikipedia, "Guerrilla warfare is a form of irregular warfare in which a small group of combatants such as armed civilians or irregulars use military tactics including ambushes, sabotage, raids, petty warfare, hit-and-run tactics, and mobility to fight a larger and less-mobile traditional military."

That pretty much sums it up.  Alan ambushes, sabotages, fights petty battles and is infinitely more mobile.  DH and I are still larger (albeit not for much longer), less-mobile and traditional.

Most of our "battles" are small.  But they are frustrating.  Sunday morning Alan was whiny.  I didn't know if the lack of structure was starting to get to him or what.  Finally in desperation I gave him an ibuprofen early in the afternoon.  Guess what?  He calmed down and was a doll the rest of the day.  Poor kid.  Something was hurting on him, but he couldn't tell me what.  All I had to go on was a whiny kid.  Very frustrating!

But all these little things only highlight why I appreciate teachers.  Teaching is truly a vocation.  At the start of summer vacation, I am sitting here appreciating his teachers every moment.

TBT - Mischief Mode

Ha!  I found this post when I was looking for my TBT (Throwback Thursday) post and had to laugh.  This post originally ran during Spring Break of 2013.  Today is the start of "summer vacation" for Alan.  Of course, in reality he starts summer school next Monday so it is only a few days, but I could totally relate to this anyway.  We also have the fun of a haircut scheduled for tomorrow -- DH is taking a half day of vacation to help us break this rut.  Say a prayer that it will help.  Have a great weekend, readers!

Mischief mode

By the time Spring Break is over for the boys, I will probably weigh 300 pounds.

 
I'm a "stress" eater.  I've always known this.  When I am blissfully happy, I forget to eat.  For some unknown reason I haven't done that in years. 

This week is especially tough because all Alan wants to do is go out to eat lunch -- and we all know that fast food is sooooooooo good for you.
 
Meanwhile, Alan no longer likes to go to the zoo or the park or anything remotely like this.  So after taking him out to lunch, he climbs and gets into mischief and I eat.  And it is only Wednesday. 

DH was hoping to take a few days off work to help me out but he is having problems and vacation isn't a great thing at the moment.  We are still hopeful that will change tomorrow or Friday.

We had to get rid of all our home workout equipment because Alan liked to climb on it (that is a bit hard on an elliptical or a weight machine) and so I don't have any easy way to work out here at home.

I had some faint hopes before Spring Break that I could race up to the gym and do a fast workout and leave Joe in charge of Alan but unfortunately for that plan, Alan has been in mischief mode this week.

Alan knows what he is allowed to do outside.  Really, I think we are pretty darn lenient about that but we do draw a few lines.

We do not allow him to climb on the neighbors' swing set.  While he is unlikely to fall, 160 lb kid could easily break something.  And, if he does fall and hurt himself, I am sure they would come up with some way to sue us for that.

We also do not allow him to climb over our deck rails.  We have reinforced all the rails but still don't think that is a good thing.  We also don't allow him to climb the siding of our house.  And yes, he has tried to do all of these things especially when he gets in mischief mode.

He is actually sort of entertaining to watch when he gets into mischief mode.  He goes outside and looks over his shoulder to see if I am watching.  When he sees that I am, he happily walks over to the tree or the swing-set and climbs and plays.  Then he casually glances over his shoulder and studies the sliding glass door and any of the windows in which he has seen me watching him.  If he doesn't spot me he scampers off to one of the places he knows he's not allowed to climb and starts climbing.

Yesterday was a fairly pleasant day so I figured I would take my book and read outside while he climbed.  That worked for awhile and then I went inside and as soon as I went away from the windows to do something mundane like laundry or dishes, he struck!  I came back to find him hanging on the railing from the outside of our deck.  Grrrrrrrrr

After a time out, he wanted to go outside again so I followed him out with my trusty book.  I got a deck chair set up and ... he decided to go back inside.  I put away the deck chair and followed him and ... he decided to go back outside so I followed him and then he gave up and decided to play inside for a little while.  Thank goodness for small favors. 

Of course, being inside makes it easier for me to eat.  There is always a downside.

Our monsoon

Everyone has heard the expression "It never rains, but it pours."  Last week, we had a figurative monsoon.

Monday (St. Patrick's Day) was the day we started ripping out our kitchen.  Yay!  We've been looking forward to this for months -- or in my case, years!

So the weekend before was supposed to be a double camp weekend for the boyz.  This was going to be perfect.  We could move the kitchen table, etc. into the dining room and buy some last minute kitchen things we've been wanting to shop for together (new chairs, dishes, faucet, etc.) while we had the house to ourselves.  We were also going to go over to my parents for a belated birthday celebration (remember it snowed then) as well as St. Pat's dinner.  My mom loves to host things and it just doesn't work at her house with Alan so this was going to be a wonderful relaxing, ADULT weekend.

Friday afternoon

Friday morning Alan gets up to go to school and five minutes before the bus is scheduled to come has explosive diarrhea.  Now with Alan, this could mean he is sick or it could mean he got too much dairy in the previous few days (he's lactose intolerant).  I kept him home to be safe and he seemed a little sluggish at first but by early afternoon he was back to his typical self.  I told myself we had just finished off some Cookies & Cream Pop-tarts and went ahead and packed for camp.

When I dropped him off, I told his buddy what had happened (I don't believe in trying to sneak something like that by them).  I knew that Alan technically should not be at camp (it had been less than 24 hours since he had diarrhea) but he didn't SEEM sick.  In fact, he heard me say "camp" earlier in the day and repeated it several times which is usually a positive thing.  He doesn't say "yes", he just repeats the words if that is what he wants.

DH and I grabbed a late dinner Friday night and watched a movie.  I talked to the nurse at camp Saturday morning (about something different) and she said Alan was doing fine -- eating breakfast, etc.  It seemed like the crisis had been averted.  We ran errands, had some beer to celebrate St. Pat's and went over to my parents' house.  About a half hour after we got there, I got a call from the director of camp to say that Alan was just lying around and he hadn't eaten any lunch or dinner.  Great.

So we went to pick him up early.  He still didn't seem "sick", but he wasn't exactly "right" either.  Shortly after we got home, I got sick.  I didn't have any of the really nasty stuff, I was just weak, shaky and NOT hungry (all I ate all day Sunday was a granola bar).  Then Sunday night on the way home from camp, Joe puked all over his car while driving.  My sainted hubby cleaned that up while Joe and I slept.  Luckily by then Alan seemed back to normal.

Monday morning I struggled to vertical long enough to let the contractor in and drive Alan to day camp (it was his spring break but I had signed him up for a day camp knowing this was close to kitchen time) and then came home and slept some more. 

By Monday afternoon I felt better.  When I picked Alan up, one of the staff stopped me to tell me about the college option for Joe.  We got the paperwork on Tuesday, had the tour on Wednesday, filled out the paperwork on Thursday and submitted it on Friday.

Joe was FANTASTIC about filling out most of the paperwork himself.

Meanwhile, the kitchen went from this ...

to this ...

to this ...

I'm exhausted just writing all this, so hopefully you have a sense of our monsoon from last week.  At least this week is calling for calmer weather ... and the installation of new cabinets!

Our Redneck Home Improvement or How I Spent My Christmas Break

I sit here late on New Year's Day and I am exhausted but it is the good kind of exhausted that comes from accomplishment.  DH and I got so much accomplished during the last 3 days it isn't even funny.

First off, a little background.  I haven't blogged in ages.  Prepping for Christmas, Alan off school and just the day to day challenges have left me with little time and no inspiration.  We had a good Christmas -- very simple -- and there were no meltdowns.  Historically, holidays are tough on the boyz and more than a few have been memorable in a bad way. 

But that isn't to say that Christmas was "incident-free".  We were sitting at dinner and we heard a loud crash from the basement.  When we went down there, we discovered that Alan had toppled the old kitchen table we had sitting down there.  Naturally there was a recently watered plan on top of it and all our hats and gloves from the recent snow were scattered all over and it was all a HUGE mess.  Yuck.  When DH looked closer (he is good about that!) he discovered that one of the wires for our internet was down and mostly stripped.  Sigh.

This is our basement last year. On the right is the  climbing platform that DH built for Alan a few years ago.

Alan was thrilled that Dad had put the climbing bars back up!

Our basement is unfinished.  With the rate that Alan wrecks things, that always seemed the best route.  DH had covered most major duct work, piping and wiring with plywood to limit Alan's access but somehow the little sneak kept finding new things to wreck.  With both of us being engineers, we are way too practical to finish our basement ceiling with drywall (this gives you no access to critical stuff) and a drop ceiling is completely impractical since Alan would dismantle that faster than we could install it!

It was Joe's birthday but we kept the kid busy!

Of course, he is a typical boy -- playing with power tools is fun!

DH had a great idea and said "Let's cover the whole ceiling with plywood.  We can still take down sheets if we need access but it will be more uniform and block Alan's access to all the critical stuff."  He proposed this on Friday.  On Saturday we sketched out the basement and figured out how much lumber and plywood we would need and I went out to the hardware store to place the order.  We had plans all day Sunday.  The lumber showed up late Monday morning and by Wednesday evening we had 3/4 of the basement ceiling covered. 

All this in less than a week! 

Mostly done.  I like it.  It reminds me a bit of a cabin in the woods -- but that paneling has GOT to go!

I can never complain about DH being one of "those" husbands -- the kind that starts a million project and never finishes one, or worse, the kind that only dreams but never does any kind of home improvements.  It may not be a fancy basement -- far from it!  But it is useable, practical and mostly complete!

"You mean that happy child?"

Anyone who has watch the original Toy Story movie more than once (as most parents can claim) will get the title reference, but in case you live in a bubble, have girls or have just gone several years without seeing the fabulous, first Disney-Pixar collaboration, I will explain.

There is a scene where Sid, the horrible middle school boy next door, is plotting to blow up one of his toys and he is laughing maniacally at the destruction he is about to inflict.  The toys are trying to explain to newcomer Buzz Lightyear that Sid is basically the scourge of the neighborhood and Buzz sees him laughing through binoculars and asks, "You mean that happy child?"

Alan has the world's cutest giggle and frequently laughs to himself for no apparent reason.  That said, some times it takes on a bit of a maniacal quality that makes DH or I turn to the other and say, "You mean that happy child?"

I don't know if it is the fact that we recently put up the Christmas tree and Alan is excited about the holidays or if he is just outgrowing his meds or if it is because it has been too cold lately for him to go outside without shoes, but Alan has been incredibly moody lately.  One minute he is laughing maniacally and the next he is screaming and hitting and trying to climb on the fireplace mantle.  This past weekend I captured this period of giggles and an hour later he was in time out.  Sigh.

This kid will be the death of me!  I think it is time for me to go play with my minis.

List of thanksgiving

I am thankful this month, I just decided not to bore my Facebook friends by posting things daily.  Not that I'm bored reading the thankfulness posts that my friends write -- I actually enjoy them.  Who knows why I do what I do, but that is the way of the world.  So in no particular order, here are 25 things I for which I am thankful ...

#3 My miniature Thanksgiving meal

1.  My husband.  OK, I lied about no particular order.  This is always number 1 for me.

2.  The boyz.  They are quirky, weird, stubborn, funny and sweet.  Although I wish they did not have autism, I still am glad I have them.  They have improved me as a person.

#2 My crazy kids

3.  My minis.  Having a hobby really makes life more beautiful.

4.  My kitty.  Diesel frequently makes me laugh and loves to be petted.  He isn't into being held, but that is OK.  He still makes me feel loved.

#6 Me with my sisters

5.  My nieces.  I have four smart, beautiful and just plain nice nieces.  Although I am still glad I had boyz, I do love watching these four grow into wonderful young ladies.

6.  My sisters.  I have two fantastic sisters.  The one in town frequently watches the boyz and the one out of town lends an amazing amount of moral support.

7.  My in-laws.  I have the best in-laws in the world.  Although they do not always agree with our choices, they respect them and again provide an amazing amount of moral support.

My inlaws

8.  My parents.  I do love them even when they drive me crazy.  They have given me a wonderful blueprint for marriage and faith.

9.  My faith.  Although I sometimes question what God has given me, I do know he is there to help.

My parents

10.  Friends.  I have some fantastic girlfriends (and guy friends) from all aspects of my life and they mean more to me than they will ever know.


11.  Our country.  I live in a wonderful country.  Although I hate "politics" I respect and appreciate the military and our freedom.

12.  Did I mention my husband?

13.  Doctors and modern medicine.  Although the cause of autism has not been pinpointed (personally I believe there are multiple causes), I cannot imagine my life without the boys' medications and their doctors. 

14.  Air conditioning.  Even though I am not using it at the moment, I would not survive a summer without air conditioning!

15.  Books.  There is nothing better than escaping into a good book.

16.  Movies.  Except possibly watching a good movie.

17.  My neighbors.  After the hateful letter that grandmother in Canada received, I am once again thankful that no one has ever done anything remotely that mean to me.

18.  My health.  I hear so many people that have physical aches and pains.  While my feet might not be pain free yet, they are on the way and my "problem" could be fixed.

19.  Chocolate.  'Nuff said.

20.  Food.  Maybe this is silly, but I am thankful that food is so plentiful that I have a weight problem.  I much prefer this to the alternative.  I still don't think I can be thankful for exercise but maybe someday ...

21.  I am very thankful my left foot healed a lot faster than my right foot!

22.  Schools.  The boyz have been in every style school imaginable (except homeschool) and without fail we have had some amazing teachers.  Many I am still thrilled to call my friends.

23.  Respite providers.  We try to have at least one date night a month and without some of the amazing ladies I've met, this would not be possible.

24.  Social networks.  I can't believe all the people I have met via Facebook and Google+.  I have also reconnected to a bunch of old friends.  All I have to do is turn on my computer in the morning and I have a bunch of friends to see.

25.  And last but not least, my husband.  He is my best friend and a wonderful dad.

So what are you thankful for this month?

Theme Thursday: Link to an old post

I’ve always wanted to participate in one of the clever themed blog hops I have seen but have never felt like I have anything interesting to contribute and I try to avoid writing when I have nothing new or interesting to say.  Of course it is eminently possible that I usually have nothing new or interesting to say, but we will pretend for a moment that’s not the case!


But this week the “theme” for Theme Thursday is to link to an old post.  Now those I have!



I decided to link to one of my favorites Spotlighting Joe's Creativity.  He is an incredibly talented young man.  

And wishing a Happy Independence Day to all the American readers out there. 

The second born

Alan was soooooooo different from Joe as a baby.  He was cuddly, social and just fun.  I thought then that most of it was because I was a more relaxed mom and I am sure that was a significant part, but I also believe he was just more typical.

He was however a huge baby.  He was 10 lb. 7 oz. and 22" long and he was 2 days early!  I had four different people (including the nurse at our parenting class) ask me if I was having twins.  That was very hard on Mom’s morale!  

In fairness to the nurse (and the other three peeps) I did gain 49 lbs. that I would claim.  I might have gained more but I was terrified to get on the scale at the end.

Alan always had a twisted foot.  It is even visible in his crib.  And when he started to crawl, his foot was always getting in the way.  I think the poor guy was just cramped in the womb and his foot grew that way.  A little more guilt for mom.  Even with his twisted foot, he walked ran at 10 months although his gait is off even today.

In many ways Alan was the classic second child (at least in our family).  He was resourceful, opinionated, and mischievous.  

In our 1999 Christmas letter I said "Alan is 15 months old and already has about 20 words so hopefully we won't have any language difficulties this time around."  Ha!  Mom was so delusional!

Of course by the 2000 letter, things were different. 
Unfortunately, Alan is not talking much and just got tested and approved for First Steps (the program which helped Joe get his speech and language therapy before age 3).  Sigh.  Here we go again.  If there was one lottery in life we would have preferred NOT to win it would be the "All our kids need Special Education for Speech and Language difficulties."

          
And yet when I went looking for pictures for this post I found dozens of pictures of Alan staring intently at other people (usually children) rather than at whoever had the camera.  I didn't have that with Joe.  I can't imagine I culled them all out so I think Joe just wasn't as interested in other kids as Alan was.

The differences as they have grown and developed have been just as noticeable.  Of course in the "mom guilt" column I have the extensive language journal I compiled for Joe and with Alan I could only look in the photo album and old Christmas letters and hope I was interpreting things correctly.

Next up:

Comparing and contrasting the two … because for two children from the same genetic pool with the same diagnosis, these boyz are as different as night and day!





 

The Debate

Sometimes I feel like I have both sides of a debate team in my head.  Lest you think I am schizophrenic (which is a possibility says team B) I will explain what I mean.

Team A:  Life is so much tougher when you have autistic kids.  There are endless meetings with schools, teachers, doctors and therapists.
Team B: Have you talked to your friends with typical kids?  How many games, practices and club meetings do they have in average week?
Team A: 1   Team B: 1

Team A:  When I take my child to the pool, they never play with the other kids.
Team B:  Have you seen how annoying other kids can be?  Are you really sad that they aren't playing with those jerks?
Team A: 1   Team B: 2

Team A:  Every time I tell someone my child has autism, they look at me with pity.
Team B:  If it wasn't important why did you bring it up?
Team A: 2   Team B: 3


Team A:  What is my 18 year old going to do now that he has graduated?  He doesn't have a job and he isn't ready to go away to college.
Team B:  Look at all these parents whose 18 year old kids are going to college.  Do you think any of them are "ready"?  Do you remember how much trouble you got into at 18?  Maybe it isn't so bad having him still at home.
Team A: 2   Team B: 4

Team A:  We still have to get a babysitter respite provider every time we want to go out for a date and we have two teenagers.
Team B:  Would you want to leave two "typical" teenage boys alone in a house when you go out?  How many girls could they get pregnant and how much liquor could they consume?
Team A: 2   Team B: 5

Team A:  My kids are rarely invited to birthday parties and they've never been on a sleepover.
Team B:  Think of all the money you haven't had to spend on other kids' birthday gifts, all the time and money that you haven't had to spend planning parties and all the useless things you haven't been given at your own kids' parties.  You also haven't had to host any other kids.
Team A: 2   Team B: 6

Team A:  Everyone has a story about someone they know who was "cured" by doing something (usually bizarre).
Team B:  Yep, they do.
Team A: 3   Team B: 6

Team A:  My boys do not interact with each other very much.
Team B:  You've heard stories from the hubby about how teenage boys "interact" -- is it really so bad that older one isn't giving the neighbor hints on the best way to beat up his little brother?
Team A: 3   Team B: 7

Team A:  We aren't able to go to many family celebrations because of Alan climbing on things and getting into trouble.
Team B:  And haven't you also used that as an excuse to get out of things you didn't want to do?
Team A: 3   Team B: 8

Team A:  We haven't taken Alan to church since he was 3 and therefore have to go to two separate services every weekend.
Team B:  OK, that is a pain in the butt no two ways about it.
Team A: 4   Team B: 8

Team A:  There is so much conflict in the autism world.  The vaccination debate, the GF/CF folks, acceptance vs. awareness, is Autism Speaks the anti-Christ, should we call them people with autism or autistics ... I can go on and on.
Team B:  Parenting debates exist everywhere.  Do you have to defend whether or not you breastfed, let your child sleep in your bed or made him cry it out, did attachment parenting, or have ever spanked?
Team A:  Autism parents don't care about little things like that.
Team A: 4   Team B: 9

Hmm, maybe I'll keep my strange little family and our bizarre life.  After all, it could be worse.  I could have two typical kids.

Spotlighting Joe's creativity

Whenever Joe approaches a major life change (new school year, holidays, even vacation) he gets a little "edgier".  Needless to say with high school graduation approaching he has been a getting on my nerves a bit!  So in an effort to boost his morale and mine, I am going to spend this blog highlighting his creativity -- which is extensive.

I talked in Dorothy, I'm afraid we aren't in Kansas about Joe's amazing marionette he constructed out of pipe cleaners. Kerri commented about how creative it was and I figured I should give credit where it is due.  His marionette, which he calls Marionetto, took only a day or two to construct although he has tweaked it occasionally since.  He even trusted the cat to check it out but not Alan ... hmm, he might have something there.  The cat is probably more gentle than Alan!


He has also carved his own pumpkin for the last two years and while 2011's was probably better than 2012's they were both pretty impressive for a kid with fine motor issues!

The drawing in the book

Working hard!

Joe's final drawing.  A little off on the face, but otherwise, pretty well done!

But one of my all time favorites was his copy of a drawing from the book The Invention of Hugo Cabret.  He loved the movie Hugo when it came out and since reading has always been hard for him, we got him the book for his birthday hoping it would spark his interest.  He actually did a little reading on his own, but as is usual for Joe, the pictures were what really captured him!

Again, this didn't take him very long.  He did this drawing in an evening.  When he wants to, he can be incredibly focused and a very hard worker.

Now if we can only figure out a career for him that involves copying pictures from books or building pipe cleaner puppets, life will be good!

My Pet Gorilla

When I gripe about Alan being home all I hear is "Enjoy it!  They grow up so fast!"  Well, I have some news for you parents of "typical" kids -- he doesn't!  Having Alan home is a lot like having a pet gorilla.  He is somewhat trainable, communicates basic wants and needs but weighs over 150 lbs and is hard to take in public.  

Don't get me wrong, I love my sons very much ... but they are EXHAUSTING!  My favorite day of the year is the first day of school.  When I think about the fact that Alan may never leave home, I want to cry!  When a baby is born you have so many hopes and dreams for him or her.  Those don't just vanish when you get a diagnosis!  

I would love to have family movie nights, but there are no movies that all four of us will watch.

I would love to be able to go to a restaurant and sit down with both my boys and relax and enjoy someone waiting on me.  Any idea what a restaurant is like with a pet gorilla?  We have to be ready to order as soon as the waiter first comes to the table because Alan can only wait so long.  We have to eat relatively quickly because frequently one of us has to take him out to the car while the other one stays behind with Joe and pays.

I would love for family vacations at the beach to be the way they were pre-kids -- lie in the sun, read a book, maybe take a nap, play in the waves.  Any ideas what vacation is like with my pet gorilla?  Last vacation he tried to climb off our third floor balcony on to the one below.  He gets in the ocean and just starts swimming for the horizon.  Yes, I am thrilled he is a good swimmer, but that doesn't mean I trust him to know when he is getting tired and come back so one of us has to swim out with him and convince him to come back in to the shallow water.  That fun task usually falls to DH because he is taller than me.  Forget flying with a pet gorilla -- what if he freaks out on the plane?  That means any trip must be within reasonable driving distance.

I already described what holidays are like with a pet gorilla.  But what about just getting together with friends?  We have some very good friends that do not have any children but do have dogs.  We usually cannot talk Joe into going over there because of the dogs.  On the other hand we almost never are invited to anyone else's house.  Nobody wants a pet gorilla to visit!

Many couples I know go away for weekends and have grandma and grandpa come and stay.  Uh, no.  Not too many 70-80 year olds can handle a pet gorilla!

What about going to church together?  Nope.  The last time all four of us went was Christmas of 1999.  That is a lot of separate services.

For Joe's graduation, for my niece's wedding, for an aunt's funeral ... you name it, we need a babysitter because my pet gorilla can not attend.  Heck, we have to get a babysitter for our monthly date nights.  We have two teenagers!  We should be able to just go out for our anniversary (or whatever) and leave the boys at home, but we can't.  So don't tell me that I should enjoy this time.  I love my boys but caring for a pet gorilla is very tiring and I am truly looking forward to the day he goes back to school!

Growing pains

What an utterly weird and strange day.  Yesterday was Christmas and I must admit that it was a good one.  Alan wouldn't open presents under the tree, but after we brought them to him where he lay on our bed watching his iPad, he opened them willingly enough.  He only had three time outs because we couldn't/wouldn't go out to lunch like we do most other days.  Sigh.  Still visiting with family was wonderful.

So today DH and I decided to do something we do frequently -- see the same movie separately.  We went to see Jack Reacher.  It was very good although probably a bit more violent than I would have liked.  After I got home I asked Joe if he would rather stay with Alan or go to the store for me and he opted to go to the store.  Then he called me as he was leaving the store -- "I am going to go by Barnes and Noble before going home."  O-KAY.  This might take some getting used to!!!  I know most parents struggle with their children's budding independence but as DH put it the first time he was home when Joe left to drive to school, "Is it just me or is it really weird that we just let our autistic 17 year old drive up the street in the dark?"  Nope, not just you babe!

Today was also Joe's last check up at the pediatrician.  Weird.  He has grown so much lately!!!  He is now the same height as my DH.  He has grown 6.5" over the last two years!  When he was 16 he was in the 25th percentile and now he is in the 90th.  They do grow up eventually.  And that is what I keep telling myself about Alan.  He may be a total pain the keister sometimes, but he will eventually grow up and be a young man.  Hopefully he is as at least half as nice as his brother.

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas ...

Today is Alan's last day of school for almost 3 weeks.    Because of the way the holidays fell this year and some teacher in service days, Alan will be off school for 18 days.  That is 432 hours or 25,920 minutes or 1.55 million seconds.  

OK, I can't look at it that way.  There will be 11 days with DH home to to help.  There will be two other days that Joe will be home all or part of the day to help distract Alan.  

But what on earth will we do for those other days?!?!?!  It is so hard when his daily routine disappears.  How many times can I take him out to lunch?  He used to love running errands or going to the zoo or something like that but lately, as soon as we get somewhere he either says "stay in the car" or "go home".  Of course soon after we get home he starts in with "Go bye-bye?"  "French fries?"  Sigh.  

I will have to come up with some creative ways to entertain him and myself.  Any and all suggestions are appreciated. I am determined to try the zoo again and of course, a park or two.  Those work much better when they are deserted.  There is just something about a 150+ pound 14 year old climbing inappropriately on the outside of all the equipment seems to annoy the moms of toddlers.

"... and Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again!"

Holidays with a Twist

The holidays can be so stressful.  For a typical family, you have to deal with buying and wrapping gifts, teacher gifts, decorating, baking, scheduling holiday parties and so much more.  In our family, we have all that ... with a twist.

What do you buy for a non-verbal 14 year old who loves to climb and watch videos -- but rarely new videos?  He loves opening presents, but rarely gets excited by their contents.  What do you buy for an 18 year old who when you ask will give you half a dozen videos but that is about it?  He has little concept of the value of money.  We have been attempting to teach that over the last year with a debit card and having him pay for his own gas but until you are putting money back into the account, where is the lesson?  One year when we asked Joe what he wanted for Christmas he told us "a flashlight".  What else?  "I really want a flashlight."  OH - KAY!  To make things more complicated, we have both sets of grandparents still alive (don't get me wrong, that is a nice complication!) and several aunts and uncles who spend more than $5-10 for the kids.  They want ideas.  Every year, I scramble to come up with something (anything!) creative for them to get on Christmas and rarely do I find anything.  This is getting even tougher as Alan gets older.  We got him an iPad last year for his birthday so while we might appreciate the iTunes gift cards and he might at a later date appreciate the movies and apps we put on it, he does NOT get into opening gift cards.  Sigh.

Teacher gifts are even more fun.  When you have a teacher per kid you can do something pretty nice for them.  One year I had over 30 teachers for my 2 children!!!  This year I have one awesome teacher, 4 paraprofessionals in his class, a class interpreter (?), an ABA coordinator, SLP, OT, PT, Music teacher, Art teacher, PE teacher, computer teacher, favorite babysitter, two bus drivers (he is on a different route each way) and two bus assistants.  Gee whiz.  Just giving each of them $5 adds up pretty quick.  In the past I have made soap, made candles, given them cookies/soup in a jar, made autism awareness scarves and probably a lot of other things I have forgotten.  This year I decided to make a photo collage of goofy Alan pictures (climbing on the stairs, swingset, wedged on the top shelf of his closet, stairdiving) and gave them that on a thank you letter.  I had several of the people tell me it was their favorite Christmas present ever!  It obviously won't work for everyone, but it was a fun idea and I wanted to share it.

Decorating is not that different for us.  The nativity set still gets played with but I suspect that happens in many houses where there are young children.  We get no help from Alan decorating but Joe is a big help so I guess that one evens out.  The same with cooking and baking.  As long as I can keep Alan occupied with a video or outside, I can do my cooking and baking.  Of course I still have to go outside with Alan during snowfalls to insure that he doesn't stop in the middle of the hill and sit there or run over some younger kid so I dread snow days during December!

Scheduling the holidays is perhaps the worst.  Anything where "the whole family is invited" are a disaster.  If we take Alan anywhere, one of us has to be watching him constantly.  He likes to go "exploring" and loves beds, stairs, balconies and railings.  Having a 150+ lb kid jump off an upper bunk during a party is guaranteed to make people jump!  God forbid anyone have a dog, because then Joe is going nuts with his fear of dogs -- even little ones, even locked up ones.  Of course if we don't take one or both of the boys, we have to get someone to watch them.  Special needs babysitters are expensive!  Some of that is just because it is usually an adult (not some neighborhood kid) and some of it is because I believe in paying them well when I find one I like!  Adults tend to have their own lives so scheduling their availability is not always the simplest thing either.  Many times we have had to split up -- DH takes Joe to his side of the family and I take Joe to my side or DH goes stag to work parties.  Of course, sometimes this causes problems too.  My mom asked me one time if DH didn't like them and people at his work probably think I am a snob.  Such is life with the spectrum.

We end up hosting a LOT of holidays.  This is actually easier on us as we don't have to schedule babysitters or worry about trying to keep Alan out of beds or reassure Joe that the dog is really nice and won't bother him other than to smell him.  Sometimes it gets a bit expensive always buying the food and the drinks, but it probably saves a small fortune in babysitter costs so maybe it is even.  The holidays with a twist ...

Autism and Violence

I have debated over and over in my mind what if anything I should say about Sandy Hook. The idea that the gunman might have had autism is a scary thing.  While Alan can occasionally be violent, it isn't a calculated kind of violent.  Joe, on the other hand, could perceivably have be able to plan out something like that, but I know he wouldn't and here is a story that shows why.

Saturday we were talking about what we should do to get into the Christmas spirit and we  discussed watching a Christmas movie.  While Joe will watch any of the Santa Clause movies or The Polar Express by himself, the "classics" he only watch when we are watching them.  DH and I were going to put on It's a Wonderful Life and Joe asked if he had ever seen it.  I told him that he watched part of it one year with us, but seemed to grow bored (probably too subtle) but he still expressed curiosity and asked what it was about.  I told him it was the story of a man who was having a very bad day near Christmas and contemplated suicide but an angel comes down and shows him all the good things about his life.

Joe's response?

"He committed suicide?!?"

Me:  "No, he just thought about it and the angel came to show him how wonderful his life really was and all the reasons he had to live."

Joe:  "So the angel saved him?"

Me:  "Yes.  It is really a happy movie in the end because it shows how wonderful the man's life really had been."

Joe:  "OK, but suicide is just so final!  Can we watch A Christmas Story instead?"

Ah, my gentle giant.  Although my son towers over me in height and outweighs me by 50 pounds, he is such a gentle kid and I am so grateful.  That said there are so many parents that have to deal with the horrific aspects of mental illness.  This article (I am Adam Lanza's Mother) shows the "other side."  Thank you Lord that I only have to explain things to Joe over and over.