Writer's block

I have a really bad case of creativity block.

Some of this is certainly the fact that summer is here.  I have never been a big fan of warm weather.  Alan is home more and DH is currently on a business trip.  Sigh.

I haven't done much recently with my minis.

I've hardly even cooked much in my new kitchen.

I haven't written anything recently on this blog of which I am particularly happy.  Father's Day is coming up and I haven't even written a good tribute to DH.

So, since today is Thursday, I will take advantage of TBT and re-run my tribute from last year which is probably one of my all time favorite posts anyway.  So Happy Father's Day, DH!

Happy Father's Day, DH!

As regular readers know, I do not refer to my hubby by name, merely as DH.  Lest anyone be confused that does stand for Dear Husband NOT D*%# Husband.

The young and the clueless

DH and I met some 25 years ago and it wasn't exactly love at first sight.  We both thought the other had some goofy traits -- I was concerned about silly things like whether or not his clothes matched (they didn't) and he thought I needed to grow up (I did).  Obviously we did eventually reconcile these little problems.

So fast forward some seven years to Joe's birth.  I know that DH and I were terrified.  I would be hard pressed to say who was more so.  We were both the youngest in our family and although we both had nieces, we really had very limited experience with kids in general and babies in particular.  

We both have a vivid memory of leaving the hospital, getting out to the car with Joe and wondering how the heck did we get the car seat in the car?!?!?!   I am positive that he was not properly restrained for that first short drive.  Then there were diapers.  I think I had changed a grand total of two diapers before Joe was born and I'm pretty sure DH hadn't even changed that many.

I'm sure anyone who has ever cared for a newborn remembers that dreaded "transition" diaper.  That's the one with the consistency, color and smell of rancid tar.  We got Joe's at about 3 in the morning on his first night home.  While trying to clean it up (which took two of us) we were both christened along with the wall and floor of Joe's room -- ah, the special joys of little boys.  I was in so much pain from trying to breastfeed and a difficult birth that all I wanted to do was cry but DH just laughed which made me laugh and like so many things that would come later, he helped me get through.

Joe wasn't always an easy baby.  He would make himself go rigid and thrash like there was no tomorrow, but like many with autism he was the world's cutest toddler.  However, he only had about 10 words until he was almost 3 when we started our own version of ABA so he was definitely a challenge!

DH was always fantastic about coming with me to doctor after doctor and school meeting after school meeting.  I remember when we had home ABA with Joe and DH would make it to most of the team meetings.  Our ABA coordinator told us she didn't even know what most of the dads looked like and here was DH sitting in and contributing in most of the meetings. 

He would take Joe to the pool, the playground and even built a swing-set for him.  (And 14 years later, that swing-set is still in use by the younger child.)  But Dad and Joe are still pals and play tennis, chess and go for bike rides.

But I think what I like best about DH as a father is that he was never upset about the fact that Joe didn't play conventional sports.  We tried both t-ball and soccer when he was younger and they were complete disasters.  But it was never an issue.  I know so many guys that want to live vicariously through their male off-spring and DH was never that way.  He happily took Joe to gymnastics and later piano and bowling.  He taught him how to play tennis and we both taught him to ride a bike (with DH doing more of the running than yours truly!)

He also liked just relaxing and being silly with Joe.

Although he had a little denial before Joe was diagnosed he probably had less than me with Alan.  I was just convinced that lightning did NOT strike twice.  Alan was such a different baby than Joe -- cuddly, amazing eye contact, lots more babbling -- that I did not think he could possibly have autism. 

But once again, with DH's fantastic sense of humor and help, we got through all the sleepless nights, the poop smearing, the B-12 shots in Alan's butt while he slept, the bizarre climbing, the endless "Alan-proofing" of the basement, etc.  

The poor guy even has allergies but when Joe wanted a cat, DH said sure. 

And DH still has some of the ickier jobs with the boys.  He usually ends up taking Alan to the sedation dentist because it takes two males (DH and the doc) along with three nurses to hold him down and give him the initial shot.

And through all this, he remains my best friend and the person most likely to make me laugh.  Overall I couldn't ask for a better husband or Dad to my boyz!  

Love you, babe!

The kitchen is finished!

Although we've been talking (seriously) about remodeling our kitchen for a couple of years now, there were times that I never thought I'd be able to make this statement.  The kitchen is finished!  It looks great and there are only a few minor things I would do differently if I were redoing things.  We are all still getting used to things, but it is so fun.

The biggest change came in ripping down these overhead cabinets.

The darn things just made it really hard to see people on the other side of the same room.

The other big structural change was removing the wall oven.

It really cut into our front hall.  This is the old view from the front hall.

And here is the new view from the front hall.

Pretty different, huh?

I also got this gorgeous garden window.

After all, with my notable brown thumb, I should be able to kill plants in style, now!

The old pantry was actually pretty nice.  It had all these lovely pull out organizing drawers inside.

But Alan never (and I mean never) left the doors closed. This picture had to have been taken when he was upstairs, outside or not home.

Here is what the pantry became ...

The phone table actually matches the new cabinets pretty darn well.  We won't even have to replace it!

The floor turned out to be the best thing since sliced bread.  It matches the hall, the countertops, the living room and dining room walls and carpet and of course the new kitchen walls and cabinets.  We never dreamed it would be so flexible.

One of the few minor drawbacks is that the table is smaller than our old table.  We can fit four chairs around it to eat, but we can't keep them all pushed in at the same time.  Since DH busted Diesel on top of the table one morning we've been putting one chair in the family room when we are not using it to keep the fuzzbutt off the table.


And finally, here is the old view from the garage door entrance ...

And here is the new view.

It is just so open and bright!  I love it.  I still need to figure out what (if anything) I am going to do in the way of window treatments, but the kitchen is finished.  (I love being able to say that! -- can you tell?)

List of thanksgiving

I am thankful this month, I just decided not to bore my Facebook friends by posting things daily.  Not that I'm bored reading the thankfulness posts that my friends write -- I actually enjoy them.  Who knows why I do what I do, but that is the way of the world.  So in no particular order, here are 25 things I for which I am thankful ...

#3 My miniature Thanksgiving meal

1.  My husband.  OK, I lied about no particular order.  This is always number 1 for me.

2.  The boyz.  They are quirky, weird, stubborn, funny and sweet.  Although I wish they did not have autism, I still am glad I have them.  They have improved me as a person.

#2 My crazy kids

3.  My minis.  Having a hobby really makes life more beautiful.

4.  My kitty.  Diesel frequently makes me laugh and loves to be petted.  He isn't into being held, but that is OK.  He still makes me feel loved.

#6 Me with my sisters

5.  My nieces.  I have four smart, beautiful and just plain nice nieces.  Although I am still glad I had boyz, I do love watching these four grow into wonderful young ladies.

6.  My sisters.  I have two fantastic sisters.  The one in town frequently watches the boyz and the one out of town lends an amazing amount of moral support.

7.  My in-laws.  I have the best in-laws in the world.  Although they do not always agree with our choices, they respect them and again provide an amazing amount of moral support.

My inlaws

8.  My parents.  I do love them even when they drive me crazy.  They have given me a wonderful blueprint for marriage and faith.

9.  My faith.  Although I sometimes question what God has given me, I do know he is there to help.

My parents

10.  Friends.  I have some fantastic girlfriends (and guy friends) from all aspects of my life and they mean more to me than they will ever know.


11.  Our country.  I live in a wonderful country.  Although I hate "politics" I respect and appreciate the military and our freedom.

12.  Did I mention my husband?

13.  Doctors and modern medicine.  Although the cause of autism has not been pinpointed (personally I believe there are multiple causes), I cannot imagine my life without the boys' medications and their doctors. 

14.  Air conditioning.  Even though I am not using it at the moment, I would not survive a summer without air conditioning!

15.  Books.  There is nothing better than escaping into a good book.

16.  Movies.  Except possibly watching a good movie.

17.  My neighbors.  After the hateful letter that grandmother in Canada received, I am once again thankful that no one has ever done anything remotely that mean to me.

18.  My health.  I hear so many people that have physical aches and pains.  While my feet might not be pain free yet, they are on the way and my "problem" could be fixed.

19.  Chocolate.  'Nuff said.

20.  Food.  Maybe this is silly, but I am thankful that food is so plentiful that I have a weight problem.  I much prefer this to the alternative.  I still don't think I can be thankful for exercise but maybe someday ...

21.  I am very thankful my left foot healed a lot faster than my right foot!

22.  Schools.  The boyz have been in every style school imaginable (except homeschool) and without fail we have had some amazing teachers.  Many I am still thrilled to call my friends.

23.  Respite providers.  We try to have at least one date night a month and without some of the amazing ladies I've met, this would not be possible.

24.  Social networks.  I can't believe all the people I have met via Facebook and Google+.  I have also reconnected to a bunch of old friends.  All I have to do is turn on my computer in the morning and I have a bunch of friends to see.

25.  And last but not least, my husband.  He is my best friend and a wonderful dad.

So what are you thankful for this month?

Ouch

This week was my second foot surgery.  I had my right foot done in August, then Alan broke his arm and we had so many things planned (including a wedding) that my left foot surgery got put off until this week.

Both DH and I thought this surgery would be easier than the first in so many ways.  Most importantly, it is not my driving foot so I will not have to rely on Joe to drive me around for six weeks.  But also, we've been through it and know what worked and what didn't.  We are also hoping pretty hard that Alan will not break any bones this time around!

In the hospital waiting for Alan's arm to be set

Unfortunately, recovery hasn't been as smooth as we hoped.  I got up last night to go to the bathroom, got lightheaded and passed out.  It was a less than graceful swoon and I ended up lying in the bathtub with my legs hanging out and the backs of my knees resting on the track for the shower sliding door.  I have some wicked bruises on my back, my left thigh and the backs of both knees.  Ouch.

The "Guard Kitty" didn't do anything to notify DH either!

DH had been sleeping on the couch in the living room so that he could hopefully hear both Alan and myself.  Unfortunately it took him a few minutes to figure out who was pounding on the wall for attention and he naturally assumed it was Alan and went up to talk to him first.

All my craft projects will have to wait

As Joe would say, "On the bright side, we didn't have to call 911 and I was only lying there for about 10 minutes." 

But the bruises are a big ouch at the moment -- almost worse than the surgery site!

Miss me?

Miss me?? 

Alan -- oh so ready for the cast to be off!!

I have been blissfully absent from blogging for most of the last month.

Most of you probably haven't noticed.  Many of you probably don't care.  Some of you will probably tell me how much you've missed hearing about my antics with the boyz.  Yes, they've had them.  No, I haven't written about them.

My miniature greenhouse (made from a birdcage) is almost done!

Mainly I've been taking time for me. 

Julie. 

Not "Mom" and certainly not "Mom of special needs kiddos". 

A little roombox called "Tea for Two"

Just Julie.

I've been working out -- most weeks at least 3 days!  Considering I only had my surgery 10 weeks ago and the boot has only been off for about 6 weeks, I think that is pretty awesome.  Some days my foot still hurts.  I can't do more than a lunge or two before I have tears in my eyes.  I can't genuflect in church without hanging on to the end of the pew and looking like a klutzy idiot (oh, wait, I AM a klutz -- but let's not discuss the idiot part!!)

Since I tend to like working out first thing after Alan gets on the bus and that was when I usually blogged as well, that has probably been the single biggest contributing factor to my decreased blogging.

the tea cart

I've even lost 3-5 pounds (depending on the day) which is only a tiny fraction of what I probably need to lose (20) but at least my weight is headed in the right direction for the first time in a long time.

A little Southwestern themed roombox I made

I have also been working on my miniatures a lot and have actually finished two projects in the last two weeks and almost finished with my third.  Considering only about 3 weeks ago I was close to having a panic attack that I had too much started and would never finish anything, that is pretty impressive.

Climbing again ...

Alan also got his cast off last Thursday.  He (and we) were pretty miserable for the 24 hours following the procedure (he had severe nausea from the anesthesia and then didn't sleep much that night) but my happy child is back.  He has even done some tree climbing since the cast came off although I think in some ways he misses having the indestructible protection on his arm.

Fat cat

As for Joe, he is still volunteering three days a week and spouting his little gems. 


Diesel is still fat and happy.

Life at the Sparks house is back to normal -- whatever that is!!!!

So what's Alan been up to?

It may seem that I've been overly preoccupied with Joe lately.  In a big part, it has been because I see so much of him every day.  He is not working yet (please God, let that happen soon!) and therefore I think of him a lot.  My last few blogs were about Father's Day (and after all, Joe is the one who first made us parents) and the cats (and Joe was the one who really wanted both Misty and Diesel) and so I really haven't said much about Alan -- although I did arrange a funny collection of his climbing pictures on Facebook!

But Alan has actually been having a very good summer.  His first week was rough.  Despite having our back to school "conversation" that made me so happy, his first week of summer school had some difficult hellish afternoons.

A big part of it was just the different schedule.  He used to get home from school around 4 pm.  We eat early around here so he could have a snack and easily make it to dinner time.  But now he was getting home at 12:30.  Uh oh!  That didn't cut it.  He actually had to eat some healthy stuff or play or something to pass the time.  He spent the first four days sitting less than three feet away from me saying "medicine, medicine, medicine" until I thought I would lose it.

Unfortunately this picture wasn't zoomed.  This is how close he would sit to me -- ALL afternoon!

After Alan figured out the schedule, he has practically been my dream child.  He has been doing amazingly well at school, too.  He is really getting the hang of his school issued iPad with the communication program Go Talk Now.

When he wanted to watch his videos, he used to sit in front of the TV holding the DVD box in his hand and just bellow "downstairs" (when he was upstairs) and "blue ball" (when he was in the basement -- long story!)  Of course he never (or rarely) watched TV on the main floor.  Figures.

After a little work he now goes and gets his talker (what we call the school issued iPad) and proceeds to press the buttons so that he tells us what video he wants to watch -- and NO bellowing.  He is even doing this for the babysitter and when we had company over.  The best was when he tracked down both of us (on different occasions) when we were nowhere near the talker and handed it to us.  Success!!!!

And this is how he gets out of bed in the morning.

For those that do not know, Alan has apraxia (an oral motor planning problem) so that when he wants to say something, that isn't always what comes out of his mouth.  I knew this, but it has been sort of awe-inspiring to see the way the GTN has improved his ability to communicate and really cut down on the screaming.

Some very clear examples are the time he verbally asked for a cherry pop-tart but typed out blueberry on the talker.  I gave him the blueberry and he took it without a fuss.  If he had truly wanted the cherry, this would have been a time to pitch a fit, but he happily accepted the blueberry.

And just this afternoon he asked for The Star of Christmas DVD (a Veggie Tales movie) verbally, but I waited until he had typed in on the talker and what he really wanted to watch was Thomas' Ultimate Christmas.  So here were two very obvious times that would have caused stress in the house if we had listened to what he said but by using the talker, we bypassed the difficulty.

Now we just have to move him into abstract concepts.  OK, that might be a bit down the road.

Diesel

When Misty died in April 2011, it left a huge whole in our lives and yet, DH and I were secretly a little happy to be cat free for awhile.  DH got to go without his daily Claritin (or he would have been able to if it hadn't been spring!) and I had less cleaning to do.  I always thought all the fuzz in the kitchen was because we had a main floor laundry.  Turned out it had a lot more to do with the main floor cat!

We talked it over and decided that we would get a cat for Christmas.  This would give us some time without a pet and hopefully we would appreciate one all the more.  This lasted until our vacation in June.  After vacation we went to the shelter "to see what they had" but we knew we wanted a full grown cat and also that we really didn't want to get another cat just yet.

We went and completely fell in love with this little guy.  Yep, a kitten.  Only three months old and friendly as can be.  Of course, I had heard that black cats tend to get adopted less than other colors and so I naturally felt sorry for the little guy.  He had the loudest purr I had ever heard and so we decided to call him "Diesel".  The fact that the boys always liked trains helped to cinch it.

Silly us, we thought he would be tiny.  Maybe we were just so used to Misty but it just never occurred to us that he would grow up to be a bruiser.  Looking back on the pictures it is hard to see how we missed the huge paws, but at the time we just thought we had gotten our little replacement.

Like his predecessor, Diesel was affectionate and patient with both boys.  But that was pretty much where the similarities ended.

Misty was noisy!  She meowed all the time.  Diesel meows rarely and only when someone is near by.

Misty was social.  Diesel is the original fraidy-cat.  Someone comes to the door and Diesel disappears.

Misty was little.  She varied in weight from about 6 to 8 pounds but she was always very petite.  Diesel is almost to 17 pounds and probably not done.

Misty was dumb.  She would jump for things and miss them -- all the time.  We really think she had a little brain damage from the scar on her head.  Diesel is pretty smart -- for a cat anyway.

Misty hated to see another cat outside.  She would yowl and usually piddle on the floor any time another cat was outside.  Diesel loves to check out the neighbor's cat.

And yet somehow we've been lucky.  We've had two cats that do not bite or try to get out of the house.  Yes, there is more fuzz on the floor (and it is a LOT darker these days with a black cat!), but there is also more love to go around. 

And Joe loves Diesel as much as he did Misty -- and the feeling is very mutual. 

Misty

When Joe was in first grade, he had everyone in class convinced that he had a pet "cat and mouse".  What no one at school realized was that the cat and mouse were stuffed animals which he kept under a laundry basket which he called their "cage". 

When I talked to his teacher a few weeks after school started she asked me about BJ and Charlie -- yep, he had even named the stuffed animals.  Of course what Mrs. B was most interested in was the pet "mouse".  She thought he might be a hamster or a gerbil.  And that was how we found out about Joe's almost frantic desire to have a pet.

Unfortunately, DH is allergic to cats and dogs.  When he was tested, it was determined that we could have a pet bird (which we tried briefly before kids -- too dirty), fish, a pig or some sort of reptile without aggravating DH's allergies.   I did not want a reptile.  I've seen several since and realized I could handle one just fine, but at the time, the idea grossed me out.

Another friend went through something similar and was told that if she got a non-shedding dog (Poodles are good) then she could get a dog.  Unfortunately, Joe is pretty much terrified of dogs.  This has gotten somewhat better as he has gotten older, but the idea of a dog in the house still stresses him.

So we were back to the cat thing.  As I mentioned in DH's Father's Day tribute, DH will do almost anything for his boyz.  So despite his allergies we started to look for a cat. 

This was all coming to pass during the month of September 2001.  Now as any American knows, there was a lot going on and frankly I wasn't paying attention to the passage of time.  DH's birthday is two weeks after 9/11 and yep, that was the day we went and actually picked up Misty.  Happy Birthday, DH, we got you the pet that will aggravate your allergies the most!

On the other hand, we all loved her and she was pretty easy to love.  She was very friendly and affectionate.  She was lucky to be alive had a hard life before we adopted her (she was missing part of a fang and had a scar on her head where the hair never grew) so even though she had been an outdoor cat, she never tried to get out of our house.

She was dumber than a box of rocks wasn't very smart but she was obviously happy to have a safe home and regular meals.  She would happily lie on our bed while Alan was jumping up and down a few feet away.  We always figured that she just considered him another one of her kittens (albeit a very large one!) and trusted him to not jump on her.  And surprisingly he never hurt her.

She was noisy!  Although she did not appear so, she must have had some Siamese in her because she talked ALL the time.  We had to put her in the basement at night because otherwise she would walk through the house meowing at midnight and 3 in the morning.

She died in April of 2010 and it was very weird without her.  For such a small creature (only about 6 lbs) she certainly left a huge void in our hearts and home.

P.S.  I updated the name of the blog.  Formerly "Life with the Spectrum" we are now going to be called "Julie's Boyz".

Happy Father's Day, DH!

As regular readers know, I do not refer to my hubby by name, merely as DH.  Lest anyone be confused that does stand for Dear Husband NOT D*%# Husband.

The young and the clueless

DH and I met some 25 years ago and it wasn't exactly love at first sight.  We both thought the other had some goofy traits -- I was concerned about silly things like whether or not his clothes matched (they didn't) and he thought I needed to grow up (I did).  Obviously we did eventually reconcile these little problems.


So fast forward some seven years to Joe's birth.  I know that DH and I were terrified.  I would be hard pressed to say who was more so.  We were both the youngest in our family and although we both had nieces, we really had very limited experience with kids in general and babies in particular.  

We both have a vivid memory of leaving the hospital, getting out to the car with Joe and wondering how the heck did we get the car seat in the car?!?!?!   I am positive that he was not properly restrained for that first short drive.  Then there were diapers.  I think I had changed a grand total of two diapers before Joe was born and I'm not sure DH had even changed that many.

I'm sure anyone who has ever cared for a newborn remembers that dreaded "transition" diaper.  That's the one with the consistency, color and smell of rancid tar.  We got Joe's at about 3 in the morning on his first night home.  While trying to clean it up (which took two of us) we were both christened along with the wall and floor of Joe's room -- ah, the special joys of little boys.  I was in so much pain from trying to breastfeed and a difficult birth that all I wanted to do was cry but DH just laughed which made me laugh and like so many things that would come later, he helped me immensely.

Joe wasn't always an easy baby.  He would make himself go rigid and thrash like there was no tomorrow.  But like many with autism he was the world's cutest toddler.  But he only had about 10 words until he was almost 3 when we started our own version of ABA so he was definitely a challenge!

DH was always fantastic about coming with me to doctor after doctor and school meeting after school meeting.  I remember when we had home ABA with Joe and DH would make it to most of the team meetings.  Our ABA coordinator told us she didn't even know what most of the dads looked like and here was DH sitting in and contributing in most of the meetings. 

He would take Joe to the pool, the playground and even built a swing-set for him.  (And 14 years later, that swing-set is still in use by the younger child.)  But Dad and Joe are still pals and play tennis, chess and go for bike rides.

But I think what I like best about DH as a father is that he was never upset about the fact that Joe didn't play conventional sports.  We tried both t-ball and soccer when he was younger and they were complete disasters.  But it was never an issue.  I know so many guys that want to live vicariously through their male off-spring and DH was never that way.  He happily took Joe to gymnastics and later piano and bowling.  He taught him how to play tennis and we both taught him to ride a bike (with DH doing more of the running than yours truly!)


He also liked just relaxing and being silly with Joe.

Although he had a little denial before Joe was diagnosed he probably had less than me with Alan.  I was just convinced that lightning did NOT strike twice.  Alan was such a different baby than Joe -- cuddly, amazing eye contact, lots more babbling -- that I did not think he could possibly have autism. 

But once again, with DH's fantastic sense of humor and help, we got through all the sleepless nights, the poop smearing, the B-12 shots in Alan's butt while he slept, the bizarre climbing, the endless "Alan-proofing" of the basement, etc.  

The poor guy even has allergies but when Joe wanted a cat, DH said sure. 

And DH still has some of the ickier jobs with the boys.  He usually ends up taking Alan to the sedation dentist because it takes two males (DH and the doc) along with three nurses to hold him down and give him the initial shot.

And through all this, he remains my best friend and the person most likely to make me laugh.  Overall I couldn't ask for a better husband or Dad to my boyz!  

Love you, babe!

Trying to look on the bright side

Today is Joe's last day of high school.  When I was younger and so much more naive I used to dream about this day.  "If only I can get him to graduate then _________" (fill in the blank).  Now that I am older and wiser, I realize this is just another twist in the road.

A few months back, Joe was accepted into the VR program at his school.  This is a program that aims to get special needs graduates employed after high school.  They take them on several job assessments and the goal (as I understood it) was to find a company where Joe wanted to work and could be successful as well as a company that wanted Joe.

So why, did the assessor take him to places that he didn't want to work?  Why did she spend so much time telling me why the employer wouldn't want Joe?  If the employer is that difficult to work for, why is she bringing potential special needs employees there?

Most of her complaints against Joe were rather minor.  She tells him to put some cans on a shelf.  He says "Are you sure that is where they go?" and she thinks he is undermining her authority.  Really?  Has she ever talked to an autistic person in her life??  Joe questions everything.  That is just the way he is.

She claimed he was too negative.  This is a legitimate claim against many on the spectrum.  But not Joe.

This is the child that when my sister's cat ran away, he tried to console my sister that she still has another cat.  When I'm running late and am wearing my workout clothes, he tells me that "at least you had a chance to take a shower" when actually I didn't.  When my car was totaled it was "at least we still have two other cars."  This young man could be the poster child for looking on the bright side.

To the age old question of "Is the glass half full or half empty?" Joe would probably respond "The important thing is that you have a glass!"

So now I am facing graduation with an unemployed 18 year old.  I am terrified.  I am sure he will eventually work somewhere although hell will freeze over before I let it be the sheltered workshop she thinks he needs.  The kid drives for crying out loud.  Okay, deep breath mama bear.

At least I have Joe.