There isn't a person alive that thinks when they are pregnant "oh I hope I get a special needs child!" But that doesn't mean we don't love them all the same. Now there are amazing people out there that choose to adopt special needs children and all I can say is "Wow! More power to you!"
But when it comes to a child you gave birth to or that you adopted not knowing their issues, I think "I'm sorry" is a fine thing to say.
A person that says "I'm sorry" isn't saying "I'm sorry that your child was born." They are merely saying "I'm sorry you have these difficulties." Some days, I feel sorry for myself, too! Other days I am pretty thrilled that I don't have typical kids.
Usually when I hear "I'm sorry" it is because I am trying to get some form of accommodation (like no waiting at the doctor's office) so I just say "thank you" and move on. Occasionally I hear it when I am catching up with an old friend and I am explaining why my 18 yo high school graduate is not looking at colleges. Then I usually respond with some snarky comeback like "well at least I don't have the tuition payments you have!"
On the other hand I do get tired of people telling me what therapy to use or how I should parent. I'm sorry, but live at my house for a week and then make your snarky comment about how unhealthy my child eats. Do you honestly think I don't know that it is unhealthy?
So for all those parents out there that despise "I'm sorry", I'm sorry, I just don't get it. There are a lot bigger issues out there.
Big hug to you Julie for keeping it real! This is such a true post. I NEED to hear the I'm sorry sometimes because it is just so hard sometimes and at least I know that person cares and if that is all they know to say. Praise God I'll take it! I get you also about the picky eaters and advice from others about what has worked for their autistic child. I have gotten good at just nodding my head and smiling and thanking them. sigh. I almost cried when I saw you linked to my blog! Such a kind gesture of encouragement to me today when I am struggling and tired. May God abundantly bless you for it. It was like a hug. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve a hug, sweetie! I don't know how you do what you do, but I admire the heck out of you.
DeleteI'll take an "I'm sorry" any day of the year, over some of the other things people like to say.
ReplyDeleteI just wrote about when people don't say anything at all. I rather they say I'm sorry.
I think, sometimes, we hear our own thoughts and not what other people say. I also think there are so few things to say in a situation like this. Even though i am in one, I never know what to say to anyone else.
I think your post was written beautifully and really explains it well.
*got here through Love that Max
When I disclose I'm in a psychiatr c institution, some people say they're sorry. I understand. They don't know hwat to say but want to sympathize ayway. It doess end the message sometimes that I shouldn't be continung the conversation. "Oh I'm sorry." Like I can't talk about life anymore, but well that's my interpretation.
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