Wednesday, August 21, 2013

"I'm Sorry"

I have heard so many times from special needs parents how much they despise the words "I'm sorry" when it comes to their children.  Well, I'm sorry, but I don't get that one.  What would you rather people say?  "Congratulations!"???

There isn't a person alive that thinks when they are pregnant "oh I hope I get a special needs child!"  But that doesn't mean we don't love them all the same.  Now there are amazing people out there that choose to adopt special needs children and all I can say is "Wow!  More power to you!"

But when it comes to a child you gave birth to or that you adopted not knowing their issues, I think "I'm sorry" is a fine thing to say.

A person that says "I'm sorry" isn't saying "I'm sorry that your child was born."  They are merely saying "I'm sorry you have these difficulties."  Some days, I feel sorry for myself, too!  Other days I am pretty thrilled that I don't have typical kids.

Usually when I hear "I'm sorry" it is because I am trying to get some form of accommodation (like no waiting at the doctor's office) so I just say "thank you" and move on.  Occasionally I hear it when I am catching up with an old friend and I am explaining why my 18 yo high school graduate is not looking at colleges.  Then I usually respond with some snarky comeback like "well at least I don't have the tuition payments you have!"

On the other hand I do get tired of people telling me what therapy to use or how I should parent.  I'm sorry, but live at my house for a week and then make your snarky comment about how unhealthy my child eats.  Do you honestly think I don't know that it is unhealthy?

So for all those parents out there that despise "I'm sorry", I'm sorry, I just don't get it.  There are a lot bigger issues out there.


  1. Big hug to you Julie for keeping it real! This is such a true post. I NEED to hear the I'm sorry sometimes because it is just so hard sometimes and at least I know that person cares and if that is all they know to say. Praise God I'll take it! I get you also about the picky eaters and advice from others about what has worked for their autistic child. I have gotten good at just nodding my head and smiling and thanking them. sigh. I almost cried when I saw you linked to my blog! Such a kind gesture of encouragement to me today when I am struggling and tired. May God abundantly bless you for it. It was like a hug. Thank you.

    1. You deserve a hug, sweetie! I don't know how you do what you do, but I admire the heck out of you.

  2. I'll take an "I'm sorry" any day of the year, over some of the other things people like to say.
    I just wrote about when people don't say anything at all. I rather they say I'm sorry.
    I think, sometimes, we hear our own thoughts and not what other people say. I also think there are so few things to say in a situation like this. Even though i am in one, I never know what to say to anyone else.
    I think your post was written beautifully and really explains it well.

    *got here through Love that Max

  3. When I disclose I'm in a psychiatr c institution, some people say they're sorry. I understand. They don't know hwat to say but want to sympathize ayway. It doess end the message sometimes that I shouldn't be continung the conversation. "Oh I'm sorry." Like I can't talk about life anymore, but well that's my interpretation.