My boyz are growing up (and up and up and ....)

Both my boyz are going to be tall.  That has never really been in doubt.  With hubby just under 6'1" and myself at 5'8" and both of the boyz over 9 lbs at birth, we just knew they were going to be big. 

Now Joe has hopefully stopped growing at 6'3" (but maybe not since he went through his growth spurt late) and when I took Alan to the doctor earlier this week he is 5'7".  So within the next year I will be the shortest one in the family.  (I have been the lightest weight for over a year, but that is another story!)

And while their physical growth has been fascinating for mom to watch, it is their emotional maturity that is the subject of today's blog post.

The boyz have both AMAZED me just this past week.

First off, there's Joe.  I took him to the psychiatrist yesterday and he told the doctor that although he frequently had trouble understanding what people meant when they said or did certain things, most of the time I could explain their motivations to him.  Now maybe that doesn't sound like much to the outsider, but that is huge around here. 

Joe is one stubborn kid.  He is always convinced he is right even when you clearly prove him wrong.  As the parent from whom he inherited most of his stubbornness, I can vouch for this!  We usually butt heads on almost every topic under the sun.  DH is forever telling me to "stop arguing with him!"  Most of the time the truth is subjective so neither of us is necessarily right or wrong but when the truth is pretty obvious, I admit to digging in my heals.  I am usually better at interpreting behavior from body language or circumstances than Joe but to have him acknowledge that fact unprompted was hugely gratifying.  I think most of us have a hard time expressing when we are wrong or deficient in some way, but it does help us grow.

He also continues to do well in his job and likes it!!  He also started work again at the weekend camp and was remarkably dedicated about getting all his paperwork submitted for re-employment.  Proud momma moment here!  He is trying to save money to buy one of our cars so he has stopped going out to lunch every day he can.  This is also rather mature of him.  I'm thinking we can release guardianship for him very soon which makes me incredibly happy.

And then there is Alan.

"Wow" doesn't begin to cover it.  He has been back in school almost three weeks and he hasn't had one "bad" day at school.  There have been "incidents" that they've reported (he didn't want to participate in PE but eventually complied, he couldn't get a soda when out in the community and was very disappointed but dealt with it, I forgot to pack a snack one day and the only things they had available didn't appeal to him, etc.) but nothing major.  They have even told me repeatedly that he is a "role model" for other students.  DH read the note that came home yesterday and said, "Does he have an identical twin around here that you've been hiding from me?"

And at home, he has been good too.

He doesn't have many chores around the house mainly because it is too hard to teach them to him.  But we've been trying to come up with more.  We have been having him take the kitchen trash out to the garbage after we tie up the bag but we always had to tell him to do this.  Then last week I left a bag out (both boyz were in different areas of the house) and Alan came into the kitchen first and took the bag out to the garbage without being asked.  The other thing we have been having him do is sweep the floor after he is done eating -- especially when he has popcorn and leaves little bits all over the floor -- but it has always been a struggle with lots of vocalizations on his part.  This morning he finished breakfast and went out to get the broom without being asked. 

Who is this kid?  Did I have twins and not realize it?

While this is a lot more of a bragging post than I typically write, I did want to let other parents know that it DOES get better.  Joe grew up a lot during high school but he continues to grow now as a young adult.  Alan is just starting to go through the high school maturity and it gives me so much hope.  I still know that he will never be able to live independently and that saddens me.  But when you spend so much of your life in fear of what will happen when your autistic, minimally verbal, occasionally violent child is bigger and stronger than you, it is very nice to know that he might not have to go into an institution but can at least stay here with us.

My little boyz are growing up.  What will I write about now?  I guess my minis ...

Overthinking

Lately I've been spending way too much time overthinking things.  I worry about what I comment on other people's blogs and I worry about what I write on my own.  I don't like to offend people and it seems like some people are so easily offended.

I thought about putting in my two cents about Robin Williams whose death saddened me greatly.  I thought about writing about Ferguson since I lived in Ferguson the first six years of my life but I find myself annoyed at both ends of that battle as well.  I thought about writing about Alan's first week of school (which was phenomenal, by the way!!) and he didn't even need to go to the ER like the first week of school last year.  But really I have no clue what to say about that other than that my Bug is growing up and as he matures he is getting much more even tempered.

But I haven't written about any of those things because I have been overthinking all of them. 

Then today I took the boyz to a local fast food place for lunch.  DH is away doing his own thing this weekend so it was just the three of us. 

It was a very easy lunch.  Alan was being vocal, but well behaved.  I noticed that the roof was leaking and even though several of the customers were commenting on it to each other, no one had bothered to inform the folks that worked there so I went up to do so.  As I passed one woman's table she smiled at me.  She was about my age and was there by herself.  Most of the other customers were elderly so I took the smile to be "Thanks for telling the employees because none of those old folks were going to bother."  And then I stopped thinking about her. 

About five minutes later she walked up to my table and said, "You seem like a nice family.  Here's a gift card for your next visit."  I thanked her and she walked out.  After a lengthy discussion with Joe about "random acts of kindness" I thought about her some more.

I realize there is an excellent chance that what she was really thinking was "Oh my gosh, here is a woman with a special needs son and I feel sorry for her so I will give her a little gift."  There is also a chance she was just doing a random act of kindness and hadn't noticed Alan -- not likely, but possible.  Most likely she was just trying to figure out a way to encourage me.

I might have to remember to do something similar sometime.

All I know is that I'm not going to overthink this event.  I am just going to enjoy it.

Happy Saturday!