I don't feel inspirational

Today is my birthday (Happy Birthday, Me!) and as I read through all the birthday wishes on my Facebook timeline, I got to wondering if any of these people really understand me.

Several people made some reference to how I "inspire" them.  Seriously?  I feel like such a complete and utter failure as a parent.  Some days (like today) I feel like the worst parent ever.

Today is yet another snow day for Alan.  Other parents (although fewer with each subsequent snow fall) post about how they "get" a day off with their children but all I do is think about how having the boyz home will "ruin" my birthday.

DH texted me this morning about 10:30 and asked me if I was hiding from Alan.  Yep, pretty much!  Alan ALWAYS goes to lunch at 11 when he is home.  Note:  I said "goes" to lunch.  We cannot stay home unless we want a meltdown.  This kid has fast food at least two days a week (and usually more).  I'm a failure as a nutritionist.

We make a stop on the way home to get a few things.  Alan asks for a soda at Target and I ask Joe to go get it.  He tells Alan to "Wait here" even though Alan likes to come with his big brother.  Alan yells his battle cry and Joe gets frustrated.  I'm a failure as a referee.

We get home and Alan wants to go play in the snow.  I distract him with a video because I am sick to death of sitting outside while he sleds.  I'm a failure as a companion.

Alan wants to snuggle with me in bed.  I read and he watches his iPad.  OK, maybe not the best mother/son bonding time, but we both like it.  I guess I'm not the worst parent ever, but I still don't think I'm inspirational.

Then my sister sent me a birthday card that said "Birthdays are about celebrating life, love and longevity ... so the more you have, the happier you are!"  I think that might be the point of today.  Maybe I should just let my friends think I'm a better person/parent than I think I am.  After all, only you know your worst flaws, right?

Snow and Snuggling

Like much of the midwest, we have been snowed in a lot over the last week.  

Alan climbing up the cardiac hill ...

Really, all things considered, Alan has been pretty good.  The roughest day was Sunday because that was the day we actually had dense, driving snow all day and we didn't go anywhere.  Starting on Monday we have been back to at least going out to lunch and then going sledding at least once a day.

We back to a big hill that is common ground.  Alan loves sledding and for the most part can do it independently (thank goodness as one or two trips up that hill would be enough to give this out of shape 40+ lady cardiac arrest!) but it is yet another time when I feel his differences keenly.  After all, how many parents of 15 year olds are sitting outside watching them sled??  I could probably watch from inside the house, but by the time I would realize there is a crisis, get my snow gear on and get out to intervene, things would probably have reached a crisis point.

Naturally, his favorite way to sled is headfirst on his back.

Mostly I just have to explain to the other kids why Alan is ignoring them.  (After saying "Hi!" five times in a minute wouldn't you think a kid would give up?)  Occasionally I also have to remind Alan that he can't sit at the bottom of the hill and finish reciting his latest script when the other kids want to sled.  His OCD and need to finish the scripting seems to be worse, but that might be due to the fact that he has now been off school for three full weeks and mom just can't do structure like school can!


On the bright side, cold weather brings out Alan's cuddly side.  He is really quite a "snuggle-bug".  Alan's nickname since he was a baby has been "bug".  His real name (like his middle name, Alan) sounds dumb with a "-y" at the end so that has never been a nickname for him.  And hence, he has always been "Bug".  When the weather is cold, he likes to remind us frequently how much he likes to snuggle.

The last picture (taken by Joe) was done at my request.  He made sure to take it with my camera (instead of his new smart phone camera) because "snuggling like that is a baby thing to do" (according to Joe).  Huh.  He is still struggling to understand what is and isn't age appropriate.  I told him that there was nothing wrong with snuggling but he wasn't buying it.

Oh well.  On the bright side, at least one of my boyz still likes to snuggle!