Not my day

Have you ever seen those t-shirts that say "Today is not your day.  Tomorrow is not looking good either."  Yep, that is me.

After having read a bunch of different people's blog posts, I am almost thinking that there is something in the air.  I thought springtime was supposed to make people hopeful.  That has never been the case around here.  There are too many allergies and spring is followed by summer (my least favorite season) so I am generally a bit of grump in the spring, but in the past, it always seemed I was in the minority in that.

Today the biggest source of my angst is Joe.  The poor kid has almost no friends.  He keeps inviting one of his former classmates to go places (dinner, movies, etc.) but as last weekend was prom and she went with someone else, I am pretty sure it is a "friends only" relationship.  I am fine with that.  Except he doesn't really have ANY other friends.  And if she actually has a boyfriend, I suspect their platonic dates will continue to decline.  He has two other kids with whom he occasionally exchanges texts but there is no one else with whom he can "hang".

This is breaking his mom's heart.

He is such a neat kid, but he is so socially backward and I just want him to have some friends.  He never saw the need while he was in high school and now he doesn't have anyone.  I was thinking if he got a regular job and was around the same kids day in and day out that this might change, but alas, the kid does not have a regular job.

He frequently goes out after work (to play miniature golf, to eat lunch, to shop) but it always by himself.  I love this independence, but it would be so much better with friends.

Since we found out for sure that he won't be going to college this fall, this has gotten more urgent for me.  I don't think any of us will be happy to live another year like the last.  He doesn't even do much on the computer -- which I will admit is most of my social interaction these days!

So how can I generate social interactions?

I don't feel inspirational

Today is my birthday (Happy Birthday, Me!) and as I read through all the birthday wishes on my Facebook timeline, I got to wondering if any of these people really understand me.

Several people made some reference to how I "inspire" them.  Seriously?  I feel like such a complete and utter failure as a parent.  Some days (like today) I feel like the worst parent ever.

Today is yet another snow day for Alan.  Other parents (although fewer with each subsequent snow fall) post about how they "get" a day off with their children but all I do is think about how having the boyz home will "ruin" my birthday.

DH texted me this morning about 10:30 and asked me if I was hiding from Alan.  Yep, pretty much!  Alan ALWAYS goes to lunch at 11 when he is home.  Note:  I said "goes" to lunch.  We cannot stay home unless we want a meltdown.  This kid has fast food at least two days a week (and usually more).  I'm a failure as a nutritionist.

We make a stop on the way home to get a few things.  Alan asks for a soda at Target and I ask Joe to go get it.  He tells Alan to "Wait here" even though Alan likes to come with his big brother.  Alan yells his battle cry and Joe gets frustrated.  I'm a failure as a referee.

We get home and Alan wants to go play in the snow.  I distract him with a video because I am sick to death of sitting outside while he sleds.  I'm a failure as a companion.

Alan wants to snuggle with me in bed.  I read and he watches his iPad.  OK, maybe not the best mother/son bonding time, but we both like it.  I guess I'm not the worst parent ever, but I still don't think I'm inspirational.

Then my sister sent me a birthday card that said "Birthdays are about celebrating life, love and longevity ... so the more you have, the happier you are!"  I think that might be the point of today.  Maybe I should just let my friends think I'm a better person/parent than I think I am.  After all, only you know your worst flaws, right?

Joe's new toy

For Christmas this year we told Joe that we weren't buying him a lot of things, but rather one expensive thing.  We asked him if he would rather have some sort of tablet or a smart phone.  Since he is really into movies, we thought he would pick the tablet.  But not for the first time, he surprised us and asked for a smart phone because he really wanted a camera.

The phone he got is certainly not "high end".  But considering that for 4 years all he has had is a "pay as you go" flip phone, this was a huge step up in technology for Joe.

Unlike most teenagers, technology does not come naturally to Joe.  We had to have his cousin (who is three years older than him) come over to visit to teach him how to text.  She did a great job and for years he would keep in touch with us via text.  But so many times we had bizarre communications that might have been cleared up with a picture so I was secretly pretty happy that he picked the smart phone.

The conversation that sticks in my mind is when he called me to ask me what flavor of whipped cream I wanted.  Um, flavor?  Yeah they have blueberry and strawberry.  Really?  Turns out they have different fruit pictured on the regular and low-fat versions.  Wow.  The things you do not notice until they are described to you by a very literal person.

So while many parents of teenagers probably hate when their offspring are obsessed with their phones, I am (not so secretly) pleased.  It is so "normal" to see Joe reach for his phone first thing in the morning to see what is up.  Of course responding to people (especially his aunts, uncles and grandparents) would be a real plus, but any step forward in communication is still a step forward.  He loves that his calendar is on there and that he doesn't have to write himself reminders anymore.

Last weekend he was texting with two different girls (both "friends") and he joked that he was "Mr. Popular".  Oh my.  DH's response? "I wish I'd had that problem when I was his age ..."