Showing posts with label appropriate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label appropriate. Show all posts

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Out of the mouths of babes ...

Most parents of autistic kids have a story to tell about how their child(ren) have said a swear word or two or ten -- sometimes daily.  I have been incredibly lucky about that because neither of my boyz have ever done that.

Joe goes out of his way to NOT say words that he thinks are bad or inappropriate.  I have him read to me daily (and have for years) and for a while whenever the word "God" would appear (not as a noun) he would change it to "gosh" and he would change "damn" to "darn" and he would do it without pausing or stumbling so for the longest time I didn't think any of the books he had chosen had any cuss words.  This worked fine in most stories but then he was reading the Percy Jackson series and the kids are at Hoover Dam and they start talking about the "dam snack bar" and how they want a "dam burrito" and he figured out that it was only funny if he actually said the word dam/damn.

For a 19 year old, he is so surprisingly innocent about some things.  When he was reading and came across the word "bitch" he would say it without pausing because to him that was a female dog and nothing else.  I remember having to teach him what it meant when someone flipped you off.  So he is certainly not going to let loose with the F-bomb in the middle of a store.  Thank you, Lord!

With Alan, he probably would use curse words if he heard them.  He parrots the most surprising things.  But even before we knew about their diagnoses, DH and I have worked very hard to not say curse words in front of the boyz.  Since DH works in an industrial environment, his "work language" is very different from his home language.  And while I might have cussed way more than was appropriate in college, I don't really use that kind of language anymore so the boyz just don't hear a lot of curse words.

I remember a co-worker of mine that had a baby about the same time as I had Joe.  We got together once when the boys were about 2 and he was (very proudly) telling a story about how his toddler had said "F&%$" after slamming his finger in the toy box.  He proceeded to tell me that his wife "who was a linguistics expert" thought this was great because he was using the word appropriately.  I'm sorry, but I don't think it is EVER appropriate for a toddler to say that word -- even if he HAD just slammed his finger in the toy box.

But back to Alan.  He is considered mostly non-verbal but always gabbles up a blue streak.  When he is eating, when he is climbing, even when he is watching videos and certainly when he is in the bathtub there is a steady stream of sound coming out of his mouth.  Most of it is just vocalizations or stims, but every once in a while a word or two is clear.

When he was a toddler he started saying the word "tugboat" in what was very clearly an "I'm angry" occasion and we joked that we would start swearing tug-BOAT (because the emphasis was always on the second syllable) whenever we were angry.  At his one school he had different "names" he would call each of his teachers when he was upset.  One was usually the tugboat, one got "I'm mad at you" which sounded a lot more like "you a Jew" and the other one got a stream of syllables that sounded just like "you high, you high, you a ho" which provided a lot of fodder for teasing among the gals (who luckily were all very understanding folks!!)

Then came "tattoo".  I have never figured out what it was supposed to be, but all of a sudden he started saying the word tattoo.  The teachers (and when it happened a second time recently, the bus drivers) asked me if someone if the family got a tattoo.  Um, no, I have no idea what he is saying or why.

So last night after bath, the dreaded f-bomb seemed to come out of his mouth in the midst of the gibberish.  All I could think was please don't let this be like "tattoo" or "tugboat" which we heard often and clearly.  Not only do I not want to explain where it came from to all the relatives and strangers that he will probably offend, but it will most likely send Joe into cardiac arrest.

Friday, January 10, 2014

Snow and Snuggling

Like much of the midwest, we have been snowed in a lot over the last week.  
Alan climbing up the cardiac hill ...
Really, all things considered, Alan has been pretty good.  The roughest day was Sunday because that was the day we actually had dense, driving snow all day and we didn't go anywhere.  Starting on Monday we have been back to at least going out to lunch and then going sledding at least once a day.

We back to a big hill that is common ground.  Alan loves sledding and for the most part can do it independently (thank goodness as one or two trips up that hill would be enough to give this out of shape 40+ lady cardiac arrest!) but it is yet another time when I feel his differences keenly.  After all, how many parents of 15 year olds are sitting outside watching them sled??  I could probably watch from inside the house, but by the time I would realize there is a crisis, get my snow gear on and get out to intervene, things would probably have reached a crisis point.

Naturally, his favorite way to sled is headfirst on his back.
Mostly I just have to explain to the other kids why Alan is ignoring them.  (After saying "Hi!" five times in a minute wouldn't you think a kid would give up?)  Occasionally I also have to remind Alan that he can't sit at the bottom of the hill and finish reciting his latest script when the other kids want to sled.  His OCD and need to finish the scripting seems to be worse, but that might be due to the fact that he has now been off school for three full weeks and mom just can't do structure like school can!


On the bright side, cold weather brings out Alan's cuddly side.  He is really quite a "snuggle-bug".  Alan's nickname since he was a baby has been "bug".  His real name (like his middle name, Alan) sounds dumb with a "-y" at the end so that has never been a nickname for him.  And hence, he has always been "Bug".  When the weather is cold, he likes to remind us frequently how much he likes to snuggle.

The last picture (taken by Joe) was done at my request.  He made sure to take it with my camera (instead of his new smart phone camera) because "snuggling like that is a baby thing to do" (according to Joe).  Huh.  He is still struggling to understand what is and isn't age appropriate.  I told him that there was nothing wrong with snuggling but he wasn't buying it.

Oh well.  On the bright side, at least one of my boyz still likes to snuggle!