Autism mom snaps after filling out her thousandth form ...

There is a very common saying in the autistic community, "If you've met a child with autism, you've met A child with autism."  I get that, really I do.  They are all so amazingly different.  Heck, even my two with the exact same diagnosis (PDD-NOS) from the exact same gene pool are nothing alike.  What was a bear with Joe, Alan picked up in a matter of days (potty training).  What worked like a charm with Joe had no affect on Alan (ABA therapy).  That is life with spectrum.

Given all this, I do understand why all the forms exist.  Every time I have to sign either of the boys up for camp, therapy, an art class, school, or whatever I get a form to fill out.  Most of the questions are fairly straightforward.  Even typical parents get inundated with some of these forms.  I have my sister's contact information as well as the pediatrician's and both dentist's phone numbers pretty much memorized.

And many of the other questions, I understand why they must exist because all these kids are so wonderfully different.  But when it comes time to enroll Alan for summer camp -- which he has attended at the same place for at least the last 5 years (and I think more), I have this urge to get sarcastic (who, me?) on some of the questions.

Is your child toilet trained?
What I want to answer: Well, he gets in the bathroom, but frequently not the toilet.

What I answer:  Yes

What are his favorite outdoor activities?
What I want to answer:  Climbing on the neighbor's deck rail and walking across the cross beam on the swing set. 
What I answer:  Swimming and climbing on the jungle gym.

What are his favorite indoor activities?
What I want to answer:  Chewing his toes, riding his scooter off the climbing platform in the basement and scaling the stairwell like a monkey.
What I answer:  Playing trains, computer and watching videos.

What activities does he dislike?
What I want to answer:  Pretty much everything else.  
What I answer:  Paper/pencil activities and arts and crafts.

What physical, diet or medical restrictions does your child have?
What I want to answer:  The list to the right.
What I answer:  Only self imposed.  (Hey, sometimes sarcasm IS the truth!)

Does your child experience obsessive behaviors? What item/activity triggers this compulsion?

What I want to answer:  Hell, yeah!!  Everything!!
What I answer:  Yes.  Stairs and doors are the biggest triggers -- use ramps wherever possible.  Frequently new things are ritualized quickly.  Try to introduce new things in various manners.

How does your child communicate?

What I want to answer:  He yells and verbal stims constantly.  (Isn't that communication?)
What I answer:  Single words, mostly nouns.

What does your child do when upset?
What I want to answer:  He turns into a miniature tornado.
What I answer:  Yells, swats, thrashes, flips chairs, headbutts, etc.

What interventions or calming techniques help your child?

What I want to answer:  Nothing really.  Just ride out the storm.
What I answer:  If possible, leave him alone to work out his anger.  A "break" spot has been effective at school.

What self-stimulatory or self-injurious behaviors does your child exhibit?
What I want to answer:  He will yell "NEE-WAH-JU-BEE" in a rap format in the exact pitch so that it sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard.
What I answer:  Lots of verbal stims and yelling.  He will also pick at his fingernails (and toenails if he can get to them) until they bleed.

Probably just as well I keep most of these snarky comments to myself, don't you think?