They say people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but right now so many of them are still chucking boulders around it isn't funny.
Just a few short days ago, a fellow Autism parent snapped. Was it right? Hell no. Could it happen again? Most likely. To me? God, I hope not. To someone else I know? Maybe.
There are so many questions and so many possibilities to our lives and those of our children and yet so many people (especially special needs parents) are still so trapped. When Alex's mother stabbed him repeatedly earlier this year, so many people were so quick to condemn her. How can any mother kill her child? Others tried to be understanding. She was just dealing with so much. In turn, these people were vilified by the autism community. There is no excuse for killing your child.
No excuse perhaps, but sometimes people snap.
The statement has been made over and over again, "God never gives you more than you can handle." I happen to disagree with this immensely. Mental illness throws everything out the window.
If a typical teenaged star athlete commits suicide, does everyone instantly label the parent as bad? Maybe. But most likely there was some mental illness that caused the child to lose hope and lose the will to live. If a mother (or father) of a typical child kills him/her there is instant horror and outrage. How could he/she be so selfish? But when a parent arranges a murder-suicide the first assumption is usually (I would hope) "what brought them to this point?" After all when you try to take your own life as well it isn't so much selfishness as despair.
So many people have never dealt with the intense violence that was a part of Kelli and Issy's life. Many have never dealt with the crushing choices facing them. How about living 2.5 hours away from your home and the rest of your family in order to have your child go to the best school? I am willing to bet not many people could take that one on the chin and keep going as though nothing happened.
Autistic people will say that if you try to justify a crime like this you diminish an adult autistic's life. I think it is safe to say that Issy's life (and Alex's) were already diminished. Does that make it right? Hell no. Does that make it sad? Immeasurably.
So before all the haters out there jump on me for excusing or justifying this crime, let me be clear. I AM NOT! I am trying to understand. I just want to keep this from ever happening again. I wish I had answers.
Maybe this hit me especially hard because both these children were 14 and my Alan just turned 15.
All I know is I'm not throwing any stones at Kelli ... not even a small pebble.