But the picture/cartoon that accompanied the blog post just stuck in my craw. The quote is "A good child does not make you a 'lucky' parent. There's no such thing. It's called good parenting. That is a hard concept to grasp in today's society."
As the mom of two special needs kiddos, I resent that. My kids can rarely be described as "good" and yet I think I'm a good parent. I also know little gems that have grown up in abusive or neglectful environments. So does that mean that they had good parenting?
I do understand the point I think she was trying to make. Most of the time when a child is behaving properly and appears to be happy, good parenting was involved. But there is a certain aspect of nature that cannot be denied.
Thoughts?
I think it is a mix of nature and nurture rather than nature vs nurture. I honestly believe some kids are just born easier but it takes teaching to make them "good". If the author's premise was true, than how can so many victims of abuse end up being the best role models out there?
ReplyDeleteAgreed. It is always both. I think the number of well behaved kids with bad parenting is pretty low, but to say that just because a child is well behaved they have good parenting is also ridiculous.
DeleteI think good parenting does play a part in how a child turns out but personaltiy of a child also plays a huge part. My William has hardly ever needed to be disaplined ever and Elizabeth...well she has a very hard time to get thru even one day without a punishment or tantrum. Two children rasied in the same home. Both from infants. My eldest was also a handful of a child to raise but has turned out to be a fine adult in society. Parenting is just a whole lot of hard work to help shape children into responsible adults for sure.
ReplyDeleteIt certainly plays a huge part! From the time Joe was a baby he was a handful, but then he sort of turned a corner and I rarely have to discipline him anymore. But oh my, oh my he was a terror as a toddler. Alan was a dream toddler and then went on to get kicked out of several programs and is way more volatile as a teen.
DeleteI always assumed William was your birth child which would imply more genetics, but your comment makes it sound like he is adopted as well.
I just get annoyed at any sweeping generalizations. A good child can be found anywhere and even if a parent does everything "right" it does not mean the child will be well behaved.
I resent that too. It is way oversimplified. Kind of like hard work makes you more money. I think it is one of the many opinions that change once you become a parent. Those with 'good' kids like to take the credit, but quite honestly some people just have low maintenance kids. And 'good' kids are most likely 'easy' kids. Most of the crooks that destroyed middle class investments on wall street were probably grew up as 'good' kids. Kids with sensory issues are usually labeled 'bad'. I resent that for myself and my kid.
ReplyDeleteYep, oversimplified. It looks catchy in a cartoon, but in reality there is a lot more going on.
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ReplyDeleteI also have a serious problem with this, and was literally thinking of it only a few moments ago. My stepsister (who, like me, has ED-related special needs) bought my father/her stepfather a plaque for his desk that reads "Behind every great kid is a great dad." I cannot tell you how uncomfortable this plaque makes me. How much I want to throw it out the window. Because, while I don't deny that my father has been an excellent father to my stepsister, his parenting of me has been...questionable, at best. He has always tried, mind you, but he has also often made choices that were unquestionably poor. So does that mean that I can't hope for greatness? Or, conversely, does it mean that if I achieve greatness, it must be because my father did such a good job, as if all the times he did truly awful things just don't count, because if I'm great, it must be due to his parenting? And, to be honest, the plaque and its sentiment make me worry about my stepsister's way of thinking also: does she believe that, had our parents not married (once she was already in college), she would not have been able to achieve what she has? I sincerely hope not: yes, my father's guidance helped her, but she has always been an amazing person. I think statements relating kids & their parents to each other this way are dangerous, because hanging your self-worth on anyone else is a recipe for disaster. You can be a great parent and have lousy kids (though, by the way, I don't think that "good" and "well-behaved" necessarily correlate at all!), and you can have terrible parents and still go on to be a great person (a close friend of mine is an example of that). That's not, of course, to say that it doesn't matter--of course it does!--but this direct correlation stuff just does not sit well with me.
Thanks. That was exactly my point. I don't like direct correlations and it also annoys me that parenting a challenging child is always harder but our kids supposedly "reflect" ourselves. Ugh. And you are totally right. "Good" and "well-behaved" should not be used interchangeably (which I did in an effort to get this post out in a hurry). Many hyperactive (or otherwise poorly behaved) people can do a lot of good in this world. Thanks for reading!
DeleteP.S. LOVE Firefly!!!
DeleteI don't think that there is any such thing as 'good' parenting, only the right kind of parenting for the child that you have - I've had to turn most of my parenting ideas on their head in order to try and effectively parent a child with aspergers!
ReplyDeletelol True!
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